It may be cold and dark outside but when you can rely on a strong and supportive relationship you can deal with anything.
Make your relationship totally storm-proof with these ten points:
START WITH A SWEET WORD
If you spend a lot of time together you may be noticing the faults in your dear one. The brain has a ‘negativity bias’ which means that we all tend to notice what’s wrong rather than what’s right. Noticing problems could save your life in primitive situations, but for an intimate relationship it’s destructive.
So when your partner wakes up, make sure the first thing you say is something nice. When they come in from work, greet them with a smile, a kiss and a positive comment. Save the difficult issues until you can sit down together and talk things through.
DON’T WAIT FOR CHRISTMAS TO GIVE GIFTS
The festive season isn’t far away. You may be saving pennies and making plans for a big surprise. But that doesn’t stop you treating your lover – life’s too short to wait.
A little gift shows your lover that you’ve been thinking of them and you enjoy bringing them pleasure. Try a small chocolate bar, their favourite fruit or a trinket found in a charity shop. It’s fun, thoughtful and loving.
GIVE YOUR FULL ATTENTION TO YOUR LOVED ONE
Life is very busy and you may have lots of pressures to cope with. But the most important thing of all is a connection with your dearest. If they want to talk, focus on them. Stop the washing up or put your phone away, look them in the eye and really listen.
Often the way a person looks says more than words. Look them in the eyes and show, by your body language, that you’re really interested. Answer what they say to show you’ve taken it in. This will strengthen your bond and may mean you understand them better than you thought.
RESPECT ALONE TIME
Everyone needs time alone. Some people need lots more closeness than others, but will still benefit from some separation. Others need loads of time alone. It can be hard if your partner needs more time alone than you do, but just because they need their own space does not mean they don’t love you.
Always respect your partner’s alone time, and make sure you have plenty of your own. Being away from each other means you have experience to bring back into the relationship, which enriches it.
SWITCH OFF THOSE SCREENS
Mobile phones, pads, lap-tops, monitors, TVs – off! Get involved in activities away from all media, where you communicate and move about.
Walk together, look after pets, play a card or board game and interact with each other. Laugh, chat and find new connection between you.
We are all complex beings, made up of our past, our conditioning and our own unique individuality. You may assume that your lover feels and reacts the same as you, but the truth is that he or she might be completely different.
If disagreements occur or if your dear one does things you don’t understand, instead of rowing try to empathise. Did they have experiences in the past that have caused this behavior? For instance, if your lover is suspicious of you, could that be because they were betrayed formerly, by someone close?
It may be annoying to realise they are reacting in a certain way because of events that were nothing to do with you, but they cannot help this. If you are honest, the same is probably true of you. Work at understanding, because once you understand then you can forgive anything. And on that note……
Forgiving is soooo much better than harbouring resentment. Your dear one does not have to be perfect to receive your love. You will feel much better if you let go of bitterness and enjoy life instead.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to put up with unkindness, bullying or anything that makes you feel rubbish or attacks your self esteem. You must first love yourself – but true forgiveness will make that love flow all the more.
In life change is the only constant, and we are put on this earth to learn and grow – which means change. Relationships are one of the major forces that alter us. If you see your lover is changing, this can be alarming – we all like the security of things staying the same. However, change is inevitable, so embrace it and let your partner move on.
Change certainly does not have to be a threat to your closeness. Understand why and how your lover is changing and try to respond with interest and encouragement. This could even be exciting! Maybe you can change yourself in response and your relationship become more fun and dynamic.
Trust is vital in a relationship. You may sometimes have to say things that unsettle your partner, but if you are reliable and honest as time goes by your dearest will understand and the trust between you will make you both secure.
Trust means meaning what you say, doing what you promise and never cheating. It does not mean that you voice everything thought in your head, even if it might be hurtful. For instance, if your partner asks you whom you had lunch with, be honest even if you spent time with someone they might not approve of. However, if they ask you what you’re thinking of and your ex happened to be on your mind at that moment, stay schtum!
There are some truths that need to be aired, or the relationship may be harmed. There are others that don’t matter. Use your common sense. Openness combined with consideration will unite you.
Share your spirituality if you possibly can. Even if you believe different things, there will be points of compatibility. Encourage each other to follow the spiritual path that is right for you.
Even if you cannot share spirituality, remember your own. Reminding yourself that everything that happens, including your relationship, is part of something much wider, contained within a universe that is bonded by Love, will restore your perspective.
Take things lightly. Laugh, love, focus on the positive and enjoy your life together.
HOW WE CAN HELP
Say nice things, give gifts and attention, respect alone time, get away from screens, understand, forgive, accept change, be trustworthy and spiritual – if you can do most of those things your partnership should be happy and fulfilling.
PUBLISHED: 08 November 2018