We all want a fabulous sex-life and it’s all too easy to assume everyone else is having loads of horizontal action and to believe we’re missing out. But the truth is the great majority of people have sex-lives that are predictable and uninspiring. When a relationship is new and the chemistry runs high, then for a while it’s very exciting, but after a while most couples settle into a routine. However, it doesn’t have to be that way if you don’t want it to be – there are plenty of ways you can pep things up.
1) YOUR MIND IS YOUR MOST EROGENOUS ZONE.
If you want more sex and your partner doesn’t, could this be because you aren’t making them very happy in other ways? Do you listen to what your partner needs, and how they feel about other things, not just about sex? Or are you careless, inconsiderate, stubborn or blinkered? If your partner isn’t feeling ‘heard’, if they are often made anxious or irritable by you, then that’s hardly going to be a turn-on. Of course, you don’t have to do everything that’s expected of you, or conform to what seems really unreasonable, but talking and trying to understand, altering annoying behavior and making a real effort could go a long way to getting your lover in the mood to play.
2) BE FIT AND HEALTHY
This is a no-brainer, really, but it still gets overlooked. If you’re overweight and unfit not only are you unlikely to look the part – you also won’t have the stamina to be a great lover. Poor diet can also affect your libido, and your self-esteem isn’t likely to be up to much. So ditch the takeaways and TV dinners, get off your butt and move. Make sure you have a balanced and varied diet with plenty of vitamins. Share food preparation together and make it fun. Exercise together too. As your health improves, sex-life will follow suit.
3) BE POSITIVE AND INTERESTED IN LIFE.
Moaning and groaning all the time and having little enthusiasm isn’t going do anything at all for your pulling power. Look at all the wonderful world around you. Talk about what lights your fire. Get involved, too – it’ll give you something interesting to share when you return and can be a great prelude to love-making.
4) HAVE A GIGGLE.
Find something that you and your lover both find funny and laugh together. This really loosens up inhibitions and fills your body with feel-good hormones. But do make sure it’s something your dear one can respond to. Boring jokes will have the opposite effect and humour is very personal – one person’s side-splitter is another one’s sick bucket, so get it right!
5) A TOUCH OF THE UNEXPECTED WORKS WONDERS
But you have to get your timing right. Whisking your other half off somewhere new for the weekend, coming home with tickets for a fab gig, even just going out for a walk in the moonlight can make everything look different and more exciting.
6) RELAX, RELAX, RELAX!
Tension is a great barrier to just about everything, especially sex. It isn’t enough to sprawl on the sofa at the end of the day – you may be resting your body but you aren’t really unwinding. Try doing yoga together or maybe attend mindfulness classes, meditating or going for spas and massages. You can listen to visualization CDs together or talk each other through relaxation sequences while you play soft music. Once you truly go into the zone of peace and tranquility it’s amazing how easy it is to get the love-juices flowing!
Couples who dance well together are also good in bed. That harmonious swaying and shuffling gets your bodies and your minds on the same loving wavelength. It doesn’t have to be a dance that requires loads of skill – even if you have two left feet you can have a bit of a smooch. Research dance classes available and see if there’s something that appeals to you both. Whirl and twirl all the way to bedroom bliss.
There are all sorts of ways you can try to up the voltage in your partnership, but if nothing seems to work then you need to seek deeper insight. Our readers at The Circle are wise and experienced. They will be able to show you a fresh angle or give you the heads-up if a deeper approach is necessary. Why put up with being unsatisfied and unfulfilled? Put in a call and make those changes.
PUBLISHED: 10 November 2014