Do you think you’ve got a good relationship? Like all things worth having, relationships need to be maintained and cherished. Take this relationship MOT and make sure you and your darling are still on the high road.
Check out these five points:
- Making time for each other
- Taking each other for granted
- Respecting each other’s space
ARE YOU IN A RUT?
When you know you’ve found The One, it’s easy to get into a comfortable routine. You get to know each other so well, and you accept each other’s ways. You have your meals at a certain time and settle down to watch telly together. At weekends you clean the car and get the shopping – maybe go out for a meal at your favourite restaurant. All of these things are pleasant when you do them together and it makes you feel safe. But think again.
When you’ve established a routine, your brain can go to sleep. You stop thinking of new things to do. You aren’t trying to be resourceful and you almost certainly aren’t exciting – or excited. Remember how it was when you first met – everything seemed new and wonderful and everything you did together was a fresh experience. Don’t let that feeling go stale. By all means have your cosy times, but make a commitment to break the pattern every so often. Make sure you have fun together. It’ll give your relationship more zest.
DO YOU MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER?
When you first met you spent ages looking into each other’s eyes, maybe you had candle-lit suppers that took all evening while you talked and talked. On Sunday mornings you stayed in bed, making love or just relaxing together. It was natural simply to spend the hours together.
As life goes by you take on commitments and time for each other is harder to find. Have you stopped trying to make these important interludes? Then that needs to change.
Depending on your schedule, set aside time each week to focus on each other. You don’t have to do anything in particular – you could go for a walk, cook together or make plans. Turn off your phones, turn off the telly and enjoy that connection.
DO YOU TAKE EACH OTHER FOR GRANTED?
There are so many blessings in life that we all take for granted. Try to be aware of all your gifts, especially your relationship.
Think of all the wonderful qualities in your dear one that you value, and how they enrich your life. Make a list of them, to make it more real. Let your heart be overwhelmed with gratitude for this relationship and all the pleasure and contentment it brings you. This will light up your life and make your dearest feel valued.
Tell your partner how much you value them and how glad you are to have them in your life. You could leave a loving note in their lunchbox or text them telling them how much they mean to you. Make a note to yourself to do this regularly.
DO YOU HAVE SHARED PLANS AND DREAMS?
At the start of a relationship it’s the dreams and schemes that lead us forwards. Going on your first proper date together, your first holiday, setting up home together, getting married, having children…. Maybe you are busy with one or several of these plans, but if you’ve got to the point in your life where you just jog along on your separate paths, wake up.
Shared goals cement your relationship and give you a sense of satisfaction as a couple. Working together will bond you. So what are you going to plan together? This should be something reasonably long-term, from landscaping the garden to starting a business together. Decide on joint schemes and plan together. You’ll feel you have an inspiring future.
DO YOU RESPECT EACH OTHER’S SPACE?
Your togetherness may be in reasonable shape, but what about your separateness? Do you always go out together, or do you have some separate friends? Is one of you overly jealous or possessive? Is one or both of you over-reliant on the other? Do you respect each other’s interests and give them space or do you cling together. Worst of all, do either of you try to control the other and maybe want to change their ways?
We all want to feel that our partner is devoted, but it’s also important to have your own space. Having different interests gives you something stimulating to bring back into the relationship. Being able to trust each other and enjoy the fact the other is having a good time without you brings you close in other ways. It gives you deep confidence in the relationship and respect for each other.
HOW WE CAN HELP
Now you’ve checked out your relationship in five ways. You’ve looked at getting in a rut, making time for each other, taking for granted, sharing dreams and respecting space. You can use this to improve your partnership and feel loving and close.
PUBLISHED: 01 June 2018