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Setting Relationship Goals Together


A wise person once said that love is not so much two people staring into each other’s eyes as a couple looking ahead in the same direction. Having shared goals means you are both heading for the same thing and it’s very important in a relationship.


Learn about:
  • Why shared goals are important
  • Finding what you both enjoy
  • Being clear
  • Agreeing down time
  • Being flexible
  • Appreciating each other


There are many reasons for this.  Here are some of them: 
  • THEY BRING YOU TOGETHER – of course they do. You can’t have shared goals without having similar ideals, or at least having compromised to the point where you do. You can’t move towards these goals without cooperation, which is so important in partnerships
  • YOU SHARE A SENSE OF ACHIEVEMENT. The joy of success is doubled, and you can celebrate together. And when there are setbacks, you can encourage each other
  • YOU FORGET YOUR DIFFERENCES. This is because you’re focusing on the things you share, in order to get where you want to go. Your differences don’t seem as important 
  • IT’S INSPIRING. Having someone to bounce ideas off can help you both go from strength to strength
  • IT TEACHES YOU ABOUT EACH OTHER. Working together teaches you about each others’ strengths and weaknesses, encouraging you to make allowances and to be a team – for instance one of you may have skills the other lacks and vice versa. It’s fulfilling to discover you can do so much more when you pool resources
  • IT MAKES YOU DISCUSS THINGS. Communication is vital in relationships and shared goals mean you’re having to talk many things through
  • YOU SEE QUALITIES TO ADMIRE IN YOUR PARTNER. Working at close quarters reveals your partner’s strengths
  • YOU SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER. Sharing goals means you are bound to spend more time together than you would if you pursue separate aims
  • IT STOPS YOU STAGNATING AND GETTING INTO A RUT. If you’re always moving forwards life is stimulating. You don’t get bored


A shared goal has to be something you both enjoy and value. There’s no point one person giving in to the other’s preferences just for a quiet life. You may need to think and be resourceful to find common ground, but it will be worth it.
As you progress, keep checking in to make sure you’re both getting what you want out of the process.


As with any goal-setting, clarity is vital. For instance, there’s no point setting off to sort out your garden if you haven’t discussed and agreed on the end result.
If you are new to goal-setting together, keep your aims simple and modest. If you want to get fit together, plan a twenty minute run rather than an hour each day at the gym together.
Make sure you enjoy each other’s achievements. If you find you’re starting to compete with each other, be careful. A little competition may bring out the best in you both, but too much will drive a wedge between you


Whatever you’ve agreed to try, build in some down time. Make sure you don’t both get so obsessed that your goals take over. You need to rest and keep things in proportion.
Every so often you may need to take time off completely. This is especially so if your project is demanding, such as extending your house. This is important or you could get exhausted and burnt out.


Over time people change. If you’ve put effort into building closeness then hopefully you will change together. But it sometimes happens that one of you could go off the boil.
Before you start, agree what you’ll do if this happens, so as to avoid resentment sabotaging your relationship. You might agree that one of you will go on, or think it’s better to shelve the project. But what you have achieved so far should be something you both feel good about.
Even better, make new plans and choose new goals.



Sharing your goals should bring out the best in you and enable you to see this in each other. When you compliment and encourage each other, your self-esteem will rise and with it your capability. Together you can do so much more than alone.



We’ve looked at why sharing goals is helpful to your relationship and seen ways you can decide on your goals by finding what you both enjoy, clarity, down time, being flexible and appreciating each other.

Shared goals can be wonderful, but of course if your relationship is troublesome they won’t necessarily make everything okay. In that case you need extra help, so put in a call to one of our expert Readers. They will put their finger on what’s wrong and suggest ways you can improve things, so you also can know the pleasure of sharing.



PUBLISHED: 11 June 2018

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