It is sad, and even scary, to find your lover has lost interest in you. Try not to panic, because there could be a variety of reasons and you are more likely to be able to make the best of this if you keep cool.
The standard advice with all relationship issues is to get everything out into the open. Obviously it is important to encourage your lover to say how they feel. If you know what’s going on, then you can deal with it, and there may be things you can do to move the situation forwards. However, maybe you are afraid of what you’ll hear if you start a discussion – have they fallen out of love with you? Do they want to end the relationship? Possibly you feel as if you can’t face what they might say, and that could be making you avoid the subject. Subconsciously you may be steering your partner away from a dialogue, or blocking out what they’re trying to tell you. Be honest with yourself, and be brave. A stalemate isn’t fair on either of you. On the other hand, maybe your partner is clamming up and denying that there’s anything wrong. If you’ve truly done your best to talk this through, without success, then you need to do something different.
Whatever is wrong, feeling sorry for yourself, pleading, pestering and moping about aren’t going to achieve anything positive. If your partner isn’t interested in being with you, spend time doing interesting and stimulating activities. Make new friends and keep busy. This doesn’t mean that you ignore your lover and create more distance between you. It means that you value yourself and your individuality, and that although you miss your lover you can have a good time without them. When this is genuine, it can be a turn-on, and may tempt the one you love back into being interested again.
Sometimes lack of interest in love comes through depression, or illness. Is your partner behaving strangely in other ways? Are they forgetting things, finding it hard to sleep, spending ages in front of the computer or TV? Are they worrying about something, or working too hard? When you are concentrating on your own anxiety and unhappiness it can be easy to miss that your partner is struggling. Their lack of interest might be nothing to do with you. Instead there may be other elements in life that need sorting.
Perhaps you’ve had that conversation, and your partner has ‘fessed up. They just don’t feel the same and for them the spark has gone. But unless one or both of you wants to end it, there are still ways you can deal with this. If you want to work at it, maybe you can recreate happiness after all. Are your partner’s expectations of love unrealistic? After all, we all fall out of love, and that’s when the real work begins in a relationship. Unless your partner will settle for nothing less than excitement, and you will settle for nothing less than vows of adoration, you can make plans. Are you good friends, and does your lover value that? Then you have something to build on. Do you have similar, or compatible expectations and ambitions? Then you’re walking the same path. Are there interests you share and can you find adventure and excitement together? Maybe you can rediscover something new and fascinating about each other by going into different situations, by travelling or starting projects. Good relationships aren’t that easy to come by and there’s a lot to be said for sticking at it. Keep your self-esteem and your self-sufficiency, but keep an open mind. Feelings change through time and surprising things can happen.
Sometimes however hard you try, relationship issues seem impossible. Maybe you’re confused and hurt, unable to see how this can change and stuck in a place where all you want is for things to be the way they were. But help is at hand. Relationship advice and dating advice are available with a few clicks, when you contact us at The Circle. Find support with your love issues, get your relationship horoscope or benefit from psychic insight. There’s no need to cope with your anxieties alone – put in a call today.
PUBLISHED: 27 April 2015