Romantic love, a fulfilling partnership, someone to stand by your side whatever life throws at you – who doesn’t dream of that? When you see other people happily paired-up you may feel envious – what’s their secret? Maybe you’ve embarked on a relationship but you’re wondering if it’s the ‘real thing.’
True love isn’t infatuation or admiration. It isn’t feeling bigged up because you’ve grabbed the hottie that all your friends fancy. Nor is it just wanting the security and reassurance of being in a twosome. Every couple is different but here are a few points to check if this is The One.
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If you’re in love, if you really care, you want to show this by kissing and touching, holding hands and putting your arms round each other. Some people are embarrassed to show their affection in public, but are you making up for this behind closed doors?
Affection is a lot more than having sex. It’s that closeness you both want to feel. It comes from chemistry and deep bonding. An urge to touch is a natural expression of love.
We are all self-centred creatures and you’ll understandably want your lover to be interested in you. But real love is more than this. It means truly caring how your partner feels and what they’ve done and gone through, asking about their day and listening to the response. If you love each other you’ll want to understand and be a part of their experience.
FEELING GOOD INSIDE
To make a success of any relationship you need to have reasonable self-esteem in the first place. It’s not fair to expect any partner to be boost you all the time about every little thing. However, someone who truly loves you will make you feel good inside. You’ll feel valued and special whatever you look like or however clever or not-so-clever you are.
And if you truly love someone you will do the same for them. That belief they are unique, wonderful, needed by you will make you radiate adoration and tenderness, and you may see your partner blossom. You can’t put it into words and you can’t create it if it isn’t there, but you can sense it.
Some people are more chatty than others, but real love involves discussing the important issues and sharing the not-so-important just because you want to know and understand everything that matters to the other person. It certainly means making all the major decisions together
True communication is especially important when you have arguments. Real love doesn’t mean never having a row. But it does mean ‘fighting fair’. It means sticking with how you feel rather than blaming the other, and trying to understand where your partner is coming from.
You also show another vital relationship ingredient when you communicate – respect. You don’t have to agree or share each others opinions all the time, but you both need to be open and to believe that the other has a valid point of view.
If you’re angry or hurt you’ll quite possibly get it wrong. But then perhaps the most important bit of communication is being able to apologise. Contrary to the saying, love does mean having to say you’re sorry, meaning it and enjoying making up!
SPENDING TIME TOGETHER
If you truly love someone you may well want to spend every moment with them. But you’ll also recognize that your partner needs space and that you also have separate involvements. Time away from the partnership means you have something stimulating to share at a later time.
If you truly love each other you will make time to spend together, however busy you are, because you know that’s important and because you enjoy it. Being with the one you love is being ‘home’ wherever you may be in the world. In a busy life, time may be the greatest gift you give each other and a great indication of the depth of your love.
Loving partners help each other out. They listen to each others’ needs and are ready to step in when required. True love does not mean interfering – you don’t have to take over when your lover is doing fine. It means recognizing when you need to step in with advice, encouragement or something practical like making a meal.
Sometimes you or your partner may not totally trust each other because of your own insecurities. If so, it’s important to sort those, so they don’t erode the relationship. Lack of trust doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something wrong between you, but it does mean there are issues to resolve if you’re to be happy.
Genuine trust between you indicates a deep bonding and respect. You know you don’t have to probe the reasons your partner is late home or scroll through their phone messages while they’re in the bathroom, because you just know it’s okay.
It takes a while to build trust and it’s not going to be there with the first rush of passion. As time goes by, however, growing trust is an indicator that you’ve got the real thing.
HOW WE CAN HELP
Important factors in a relationship include affection, concern, feeling good inside, communication, spending time together, helping out and trust. These are the outward signs of love, but the real thing is intangible and felt in the heart. If you are in any doubt about any part of your relationship, of how you feel about your lover or vice versa, our intuitive and sympathetic Readers are always on hand to clarify matters for you and make you feel reassured.
PUBLISHED: 21 November 2017