Until recently, the marriage vows were ‘till death us do part’. Now we may choose to say other words, but that commitment ‘in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer’ still rings down through the years. You really meant it when you made it and you believed your partner did too. Getting married is a public promise, going deeper than agreeing to live together But for whatever reason, the vision of life as a couple has ended. Your dreams may be in tatters, your faith shaken and your self esteem has probably taken a hit on the way. How can you pick yourself up and continue?
It may be that the choice wasn’t really yours. You would have stayed together, honoured your promises and made it work. Not only may you feel heartbroken and bereft, you can be outraged, wounded, angry and probably disbelieving. How could that person who stood by your side and said ‘forever’ possibly change, and betray you in this way? The future seems bleak for you may not want to be alone, yet you can’t imagine life with anyone else – nor do you want to. Perhaps you still hold to pledges you felt were sacred, especially if you have religious beliefs. However, others have found a way forward from this, and so will you.
It may have been mutual, it may have been down to you. It wasn’t easy, but you may be relieved, however sad you are. One of your main emotions may be guilt – guilt at letting down your vows, your partner, family and friends and even yourself. Another may be failure. Why couldn’t you make a go of something so important? Or why were you so unwise as to enter it in the first place? Believing you made a mistake can undermine your trust in yourself. It may take time but you will recover, and put this down to experience.
More than most life events, this is about learning and growing as a person. It won’t happen overnight and you need faith and patience. Here are some ways you can help the process along.
• Don’t think of your marriage as a mistake – think of it as a lesson. Even if you wanted it to continue, and can’t see you did anything wrong, there’s something for you to learn. Resolve that you will identify this and become wiser.
• Try not to be bitter. It’s natural to feel all sorts of negative emotions, but bitterness will only eat away at your peace of mind.
• Getting sound legal advice may be hard – it makes the divorce all the more real and seems such a harsh way to deal with something that was built on romantic dreams. However, it really is essential to get proper guidance for your future is at stake.
• Be kind to yourself when it comes to dealing with the process. Receiving your Decree Nisi and Decree Absolute in black and white can be an upsetting experience. Be prepared for this and have your support systems in place, such as a meet-up with friends, or someone on the end of the phone to talk to.
• Financial and property settlements form part of most divorces. Remember that the way you are feeling now is unlikely to last. If you feel guilty and have a lot of sympathy for your ex you could well give away more than you should. Later in your life you may regret this. Similarly, if you are very angry and resentful you may resolve to ‘take them to the cleaners.’ In years to come you may feel bad about your actions. Talk through your wishes and take sensible advice.
• If you cannot imagine that you’ll ever love again, at least let in the possibility of friendship. New contacts can show you new perspectives and reveal a path ahead.
Sometimes however hard you try, coping with divorce seems impossible and moving on just a delusion. But help is at hand. Relationship advice and dating advice are available with a few clicks, when you contact us at The Circle. Find support with your love issues, get your relationship horoscope or benefit from psychic insight. There’s no need to cope with your anxieties alone – put in a call today.
PUBLISHED: 12 January 2015