All relationships have low times – it’s just not possible to stay on a continual high. However, if you’ve both got the winter blues and that ‘can’t be bothered’ feeling has seeped in, you may start to believe you’ve hit couple-trouble. Negative thinking is the last thing you need. Outside the birds are singing to each other and building their nests, and you also need to put some effort in, to keep romance alive.
- Get ‘un-stuck’
- Do more of what you love
- Be creative
- Try something different
WHY IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP ‘STUCK’?
Before looking at some positive suggestions, take a brief look at why you’re in a rut. Are you both too tired? Maybe you’re both very busy. Are there unresolved issues between you that are sapping your enthusiasm? Remember that you can’t suppress emotions selectively. If you push down feelings of anger and resentment then you’ll be suppressing love and affection, too. Not all problems can be fixed overnight, but you can start with the following:
- Review your diet, exercise and sleep patterns. Start taking vitamins and having exercise together, and go to bed half an hour earlier
- Sort out couple time. However busy you are, set aside time to be together. Doing chores together will give you time to talk
- If you’re angry or dissatisfied, you need first to allow yourself to feel this, consciously, and then express it. Not all issues can be resolved, at least not immediately. However, it’s important to be able to hear each other, and to try to understand
DO MORE OF WHAT YOU LOVE - TOGETHER
The only thing better than doing a sport or hobby that you love is doing it with your dear one. Many people, in the ‘courting’ days of their relationship happily accompany their lover to places they find tedious, just to be together. Remember the times when you froze in the stands, yawned through boring films or trailed around shops or galleries that gave you nothing but aching legs? And weren’t those days exciting?
No-one can expect to be that patient, months or years down the line. However, working at sharing activities will keep your duo vibrant.
- Try to find something you both enjoy doing. This could be a new activity or something from the past. Getting a buzz together will lift your partnership
- If your tastes are very different, then you need to compromise. This has to be fair. Each person needs to give the same time and effort to the pastime the other one loves. Be considerate, share food, cuddles and giggles and with any luck you won’t be totally bored! Then it will be your turn…
- Never do anything to spoil this for your partner – no long faces or discouraging remarks. Commit to a time-span that you can realistically manage, and see how nice you can be!
FIND A SHARED GOAL
Being a couple means creating something together. This isn’t by any means just about having physical children. Something made by the two of you, something that grows and brings fulfillment is an amazing bonding factor. Try one or more of the following;
- Take up a creative hobby together. This could be painting, sculpture, cooking, gardening or anything else that appeals. What you are aiming for is an end result that you can both look at and feel satisfied by, before starting a new project
- Start a business together. Pick something that interests you both and keep the initial outlay to a minimum. For instance you could begin by doing car boot sales, having a stall at a market or collecting things to sell on-line. Watching your pot of profit grow will be great for bonding
- Community projects, such as raising money for a village hall, clearing a patch of waste ground or organising a charity event will be satisfying
- Simply re-decorating your home together affirms your partnership
- If you don’t have a pet, consider getting one. Loving a furry friend will bring you closer, too
DO SOMETHING NEW TOGETHER
Plain old same old can make any relationship go numb. You don’t have to make big changes. Why not try:
- Reading to each other. It’s so much more intimate than watching telly
- Taking it in turns to give each other a massage
- Learn an instrument, so you can play together
- Join a choir – singing in harmony can bring your lives into harmony too
- Focus on your weekend diary and resolve that whatever you usually do, you’ll do it differently! Walk somewhere new, eat different food, look up friends you’ve not seen in a while – anything to break the mould
- Laugh, laugh, laugh – having a shared giggle is the best!
NOW YOU’RE GOING SOMEWHERE!
In this article we’ve looked at a few reasons why you may be stuck, as a couple and suggested doing what you love, sharing goals and doing something new. Not all of these will work for you, but if you only take on board one or two your relationship will improve and you can enjoy more romance as Spring comes around!
PUBLISHED: 5 March 2016