You’re all loved up and everything’s going great – then someone says something that makes you doubt your feelings and suddenly the world looks different. Or you think your lover is wonderful until you compare him or her to someone else’s partner or – worse still – a celebrity. Your hero turns into a zero and you wonder where the magic has gone.
The good news is that you can always turn it around, find the enchantment and think positively about your relationship.
- Falling in love means seeing the best
- Negative imagination is everywhere
- Belief that things will go wrong
- How to make your imagination work for you in your romance
FALLING IN LOVE MEANS SEEING THE BEST
When you fall in love you see something beyond the surface. The inner essence of that special someone reaches out to you and all seems surrounded by a rosy glow. It makes both of you raise your game and be the best you can be.
There’s a saying ‘Love is blind’, but that’s not really true. Love sees in a different way, a positive way. If you’re in love you give out something wonderful – something that creates enchantment. Your being is vibrating at a higher rate, harmonizing with that of your loved one. There is no reason why that should not be considered real. However, it takes a little effort and a lot of watchfulness to maintain.
NEGATIVE IMAGINATION CREEPS IN EVERYWHERE
Your brain finds it hard to hold on to positive experience. This is because in ancient times people regularly faced threatening situations and expecting trouble helped them to survive. A ‘negativity bias’ can be an advantage in dangerous circumstances.
The sad thing is that this ‘negativity bias’ isn’t selective. It means you soon see the potential trouble even in good situations, such as a wonderful relationship. That can really destroy your happiness, as you imagine all the things that could go wrong. The deep-seated reason you’re doing this is so that you can be prepared for them, and fight them. But the actual effect is that you can end up creating them.
THINGS ARE BOUND TO GO WRONG
There’s a voice inside most of us that says ‘things are bound to go wrong’. If you lack self-esteem that will feed the worry. You may believe that your partner will go off you. You may even start to look for clues that they’re unfaithful.
No-one is perfect. We all have times when we are selfish, irritable and unreasonable. If you dwell on these faults, you can soon see your lover as not good enough for you, and what seemed like such a fabulous relationship can go sour.
Once you start looking for trouble you create it. If you don’t trust your partner you could drive them to the very behavior you fear. If you criticize them you’ll bring out the worst in them. Seeing the worst can become having the worst.
Another factor in negative imagination is the competitive culture in which we live. Social media is full of the fabulous lives of others. You might think you’re lucky until you compare your partner with someone else’s hot-looking, loaded arm-candy. You start imagining how much better it could be to have someone like that and before you know it the partner that seemed so exciting looks full of flaws. If your negative imagination is very strong you may not even need social media. You may imagine what it would be like to have someone perfect and your lover may fall very short of that.
PUT YOUR IMAGINATION INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Imagination is a very powerful thing, but it can be tamed, as long as you realise what you’re dealing with. There’s no point telling yourself you mustn’t imagine hurtful stuff because you’ll just imagine it all the more. Here are some steps you can take to overcome negative imagination.
- Recognise what’s happening. Accept at a deep level that you’re being negative. This may seem solid but it’s not – you’re creating it.
- Get to know when you’re sliding into negative imagination and distract yourself. Go for a brisk walk, try some yoga poses or do something as mundane as phone a friend. This trick of the mind isn’t to be indulged
- Dwell on the past – the lovely past. Remember when you were up on Cloud Nine? Nothing’s changed. Re-create that sensation
- Focus on the brilliant qualities that your lover possesses. Try to feel grateful for them and treasure all the closeness that you have
- Regularly imagine good times with your dear one, see their smile, visualise having fun together, making love or doing something creative. If you’ve had an argument, remind yourself of their positive qualities
- Ask your partner to co-operate with you in this. Spend times luxuriating in your relationship, telling each other how much you value each other, making plans and sealing a pact that you will both try to keep the feeling alive and well, and that you will help each other when it shows signs of slipping
- Get involved in something spiritual together such as yoga, meditation, tantra and/or anything that binds you on a level above the mundane
- Do creative things together so the imagination of each of you is focused on shared achievement
- Weave dreams together, about your future, how happy it will be, what you’re going to do, where you’re going to go.
Imagination is strong and it will always be there. Make sure that its power is used to make your relationship all that you could wish for.
HOW WE CAN HELP
We’ve seen how falling in love means seeing the best, learned about negativity bias, competitive attitudes and looked at steps to use your imagination to boost your relationship. It takes time to alter your attitudes, so why not get help from our supportive Readers. The right one is just waiting for you, so call today and receive advice that can bring the magic back and have you walking on air again.
PUBLISHED: 14 November 2017