They say opposites attract, and there’s no doubt that a spark can ignite when you meet someone who’s very different from you. From the point of view of survival of the species it’s helpful for people who are genetically different to get together and give birth to future generations. This is because the best attributes of both parents tend to get passed down in dominant genes that favour strength and survival. But there’s more to it than procreation – your relationship itself can be greatly enhanced by your differences – as long as you handle them the right way.
BE AWARE OF YOUR CONTRASTS
Conscious awareness of yourself, and your partner, is an obvious essential but can so often be disregarded. When we encounter something or someone that is different, or alien, there can be a temptation to pretend that this doesn’t exist. It may be too much to deal with, or, on the other hand, you may reject your partner’s different ways as simply ‘wrong’. This means that you will probably try to change this person, sooner or later.
Try to accept that these differences are very real and that you may not be ‘in the right’. In fact, there may not be a ‘right’ at all – just different ways of looking at things. This will make life more colourful. Make a commitment to working with the ways you differ, always valuing them, never denying them.
LOVE IS WHAT COUNTS
The ways you differ can be grating after a while and you may find this a challenge to live with. But something attracted you to this person, notwithstanding. In fact you were probably drawn to them because of the strong contrast with you.
Always remember that feeling of love – it’s what brought you into the partnership. Love is a feeling – it has nothing to do with views, ideals or habits. It transcends all of this. If you do your best to guard and nurture this feeling then your differences aren’t going to matter. The effort you put into remaining ‘in’ the loving place will keep your relationship warm and flourishing.
FOCUS ON THE GOOD THINGS
Negativity creeps in everywhere and relationships aren’t easy things to nurture. Many people slip into the habit of moaning and groaning, focussing on all the things that aren’t right, that are difficult or in disharmony.
It’s quite natural to want to talk over problems with friends and to offload, but don’t let this take over. Keep an awareness of the magical things that drew you together and all the good things the relationship brings you. Write these down if you like, and try to add to them each day or week.
Finally, try to be grateful for the happy, fulfilling things in your relationship. Through gratitude you will draw more positivity your way.
HAVE A LAUGH
If you don’t agree on many issues and like doing totally different things, there will be plenty to laugh at, as long as you both keep your sense of humour and don’t mind the joke being on you. Your differences can lead to lots of genuine laughter at the contrasts between you, seeing yours and your partner’s funny little ways in a hilarious light.
Laughter is wonderful for bonding and is also a great aphrodisiac. For that alone you can be truly grateful for your differences!
TALK THINGS THROUGH
You can’t assume that your dear one is going to want the same things as you or feel the same way about anything. In fact there is a fair chance that they will want, and feel, the opposite. So how are you going to find ways forward? By talking and compromising.
Of course, this can sometimes be very hard, but it does mean that you have to communicate and really find out what makes the other person tick. In this way your differences can lead to much greater understanding between you. In fact you may ‘get it right’ more often than the similar couple, who take each other for granted.
Not quite sure what your partner is thinking, but you know it’s going to be different from what’s going through your mind? Trying to decide on a weekend activity, or a holiday, while knowing that your dear one is going to have opposite ideas from your own? Looking for answers to a problem, realising that your lover is likely to have a totally different take on the matter? All of that could be annoying or unsettling – or you can find it exciting!
You can never be quite sure what this wonderful, perplexing, mysterious, contrary person is going to come up with. This means you’re less likely to get bored with them. Treasure this – it can keep your relationship alive and zinging down the years.
HOW WE CAN HELP
We’ve looked at the value of contrasts, the importance of love, focussing on the good, having a laugh, talking things through and how exciting differences can make things. Being different from your partner can be a great advantage, but it can also be a strain. That’s when you need help and support in order to cope, and luckily that’s always available to you with our kind and understanding Readers. Why struggle alone? Put in a call now and feel better without delay.
PUBLISHED: 16 January 2017