Self-help books and articles tell us we should be clear about what we want and ask the Cosmos for it. You also hear about someone whose partner ‘ticks all the boxes’. Having a tick-box for your perfect lover sounds like a good idea, but could it lead you on the wrong path? Follow this guide to focus on what really matters.
We will look at:
- What makes a wonderful relationship
- How well do you know yourself?
- It’s how you feel that matters
- How to create your relationship tick-box
YOUR WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP
Most of us dream of being loved by someone with film-star looks and loads of money. Social media encourages all of us to judge by appearances and to be driven to compete with friends. That can all lead you off course.
But even if you really listen to your own preferences you could be misled. So you want someone with brown eyes, who’s tall and confident and who can look after you. Fair enough. But are you quite sure that will make you happy? Mightn’t there be someone out there who’s short, blue-eyed and quiet, but who might turn out to be amazing?
If you’re totally fixated on a tick-box that describes your dream boat, you could be missing the point. What you need to concentrate on is the quality of the relationship. That can often come in circumstances that could surprise you.
HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW YOURSELF?
You may think you know yourself pretty well. You’re sure what you want – why should you be persuaded otherwise? Isn’t that what thinking positive is all about? Visualising what you want and going for it?
Well – yes, and no. What you think you want may come from pressure from friends and conditioning. It may also be coloured by cultural norms. However strong and independent you are, a lot of this happens subconsciously. So what you think you want may not be what will make you happy, long-term.
IT’S HOW YOU FEEL THAT MATTERS
Rather than focussing on e point by point description of your perfect lover, wouldn’t it be better to think about how you want to feel, within the partnership? Can you be sure that those brown eyes and long legs, that confident air will all make you happy five years from now?
Don’t be seduced by glamour. Before you put out that request to the Cosmos make sure your tick-box really works for you.
CREATING YOUR TICK-BOX
What truly matters in a relationship is how it makes you feel. If you decide what is going to make you feel happy and secure before trying it out, that’s like deciding to buy a garment on appearances only, without putting it on to see if it fits and is comfortable. So here’s what to look for:
- SOMEONE WHO MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF. Anyone who does not do this is a non-starter. This should be there at the beginning of a relationship. If you hang around with someone who doesn’t do this, hoping they will change it will eat away at your self-esteem until it’s very hard to move on
- SOMEONE YOU CAN RESPECT. All the gorgeousness and all the money in the world won’t satisfy you for long if you can’t respect your partner. You deserve someone whose way of thinking and being you value and honour. That sort of person is uplifting
- SOMEONE WHO RESPECTS YOU. This should follow in any case if your ‘someone’ makes you feel good about yourself
- SOMEONE WHO SUPPORTS YOU. A relationship isn’t just about gazing at each other. You should be able to help each other on your life paths. Your ideal lover will support you as you develop your skills, do your job, learn things and grow as a person
- SOMEONE WHO WILL BE LOYAL AND FAITHFUL. The trust of a committed one-to-one relationship can rarely be compromised on. Your ideal partner should realise that and commit to it. Couples who have other arrangements and who are still truly happy together are exceptional
- SOMEONE WHO SHARES YOUR SPIRITUALITY AND/OR VALUES. You don’t have to believe exactly the same things. In fact a lively debate can make each of you think. However, having broadly the same viewpoint about life’s ‘ultimate questions’ is important to bonding
- SOMEONE WITH WHOM YOU CAN WORK OUT LIFE’S PRACTICALITIES. How are you going to earn a living? Where are you going to live? What about children, step-families and other commitments? Being ‘together’ on the practicalities of life makes things comfortable and workable
- SOMEONE WHO LOOKS GOOD. In view of the above this may seem surprising but looking good to you isn’t the same as conventional beauty. You can find a person sexy and appealing even if their features would never grace the cover of a magazine. When you really get to know a person and find everything else is right, it often happens that they start to look ‘right’ too. Chemistry is necessary – but it doesn’t depend on a straight nose
You may want to add your own tick-boxes but remember never to be too prescriptive about the package. It’s how you’re going to feel inside that matters – and that could arrive in ways that astound you.
HOW WE CAN HELP
We’ve examined relationship ideals, how well you know yourself, the importance of how you feel, and created a tick-box list. Hopefully you are now in a better place to find a really fulfilling partnership. However, deeper insight will help you even more, so call one of our intuitive Readers today and get some red hot tips on your relationship prospects.
PUBLISHED: 21 February 2018