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Six Ways To Build Warmth And Welcome Into Your Relationship This Autumn


This time of year can get you down.  It’s becoming colder and darker, holidays are a distant memory and a long, dismal winter stretches ahead.  If you aren’t in a good mood this can affect your relationship.  Don’t let that happen.
Follow these six pointers to make things cosy and fulfilling, so you stay warm in every way:
  • Light your fire with candles and open flame
  • Cook together
  • Share nature walks
  • Read to each other
  • Massage each other
  • Practice conscious complimenting


Has it dawned on you that however warm your home may be, real fire is probably completely absent!  We need the vibrancy and pure energy of fire to get us through the winter, and however snug you are, your spirit still misses it.
If you have an open fire or wood-burner, use them, however messy they may be.  If, like most people, your home has no true hearth, create one with candles.  Make a focal point in your room that you fill with candles, large and small, tapering and chunky.  You can place candles in coloured jars and choose scented ones – aromas such as frankincense, sandalwood and orange will give a rich, uplifting scent.  You can burn enough candles to turn off the light and relax in the twilight.
Most important of all, share candlelit meals with your lover.  Even if you’re snacking on soup, light your faces with a dancing flame and focus on each other for half an hour, talking about your day and enjoying the intimacy.


Does one of you generally do all the cooking?  Do you take it in turns?  You may feel it isn’t very efficient if both of you cook and that may be true – but making a meal together is lovely intimate time.
It may be best not to do this if you’re in a hurry.  Try it once a week and crack open a bottle of wine to share while you’re doing it.  Choose simple meals where you can apportion jobs, and that don’t take too long to cook.  Feed each other nibbles, try different flavours and make a game of it.  When you get to the table, keep up the theme of ‘feeding’ each other tasty morsels off your fork.  Don’t eat too much because sharing food like this can be really sexy and you don’t want to get sluggish!


When the wind howls or the mists rise you may want to hunker down – but you can do that later!  On your day off you and your loved one should go for a walk.  Try to get away from pavements and concrete as much as you can.  Head for your local park, or out into the country, but if possible don’t use transport because that can break the connection with the earth.
Kit yourselves out with all-weather gear and don’t let even driving rain stop you.  Ideally you should be out for at least half an hour.  Bring a ‘trophy’ back, such as a twig, feather, acorn, cone, conker or pebble.  If you are in the city you can still find leaves and stones.  Bring these back to collect on a special ‘nature table’.  This could be a simple earthenware bowl or a total shelf where you arrange candles, incense and statues to celebrate – it’s up to you.
When you get back make a fuss of each other, get warm and dry and enjoy a hot chocolate!


Do you regularly park in front of the telly, with your phone on your knees ready to waggle your thumbs on social media if you get bored?  That’s got to stop!  Your relationship can wither while you’re looking at a screen.
Good, old-fashioned books are coming back into fashion.  They are so nice to handle!  Take it in turns to read an interesting story to each other.  See if you imagine the characters and places the same.  So much the better if you do it by candlelight.  The magic will entwine itself around you both!


You don’t need any training to massage.  It just takes gentleness and sensitivity.  Dissolve two drops of essential oil of lavender in a teaspoon of olive oil.  Test for allergy if you like by placing this on your wrists 24 hours before massage.
Get settled comfortably so the person massaging has proper access and the one massaged can relax.  Rub your lover’s neck and shoulders – prime sites of tension.  You could also massage feet and hands.  Avoid broken skin and go carefully where there is pain or injury, but chances are hurts will melt under a loving touch.


At the end of the day we all feel tired and narky.  It’s so easy to take this out on your lover, but it can be a disastrous start to the evening!
Instead, make a pact that you will come in and say something nice to your loved one.  Compliment them on how they look, what they’ve done or refer back to something you shared and enjoyed at the weekend.  You will find you both unwind and feel secure, letting your day untangle and your heart open for an evening of intimacy.


You now have six ideas of how to warm your relationship in the cold nights.  These include fire and candles, cooking together, sharing nature walks, reading to each other, massage and conscious complimenting.  Put all or some of these into practice for a loving winter season.



PUBLISHED: 24 October 2018

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