Discovering that your partner has had an affair feels like your world has been turned upside down. The breaking of this trust is a betrayal. A betrayal not only by the individual but also of your hopes, dreams and expectations. On finding out about the affair you probably feel anger about what has happened but also anger for the loss of what could have been for the relationship. At the time there may also be shock, sadness anger and confusion. Later you may experience revenge, guilt, longing for things to go back to what they were or shame and embarrassment that this has happened to you.
They often occur after a relationship has been in trouble for some time. This may be apparent to the partners or hidden from both of them that the affair appears out of the blue. Affairs make it very clear there is a problem in the relationship often in a painful manner. The types of affairs are:
This can include bereavement, mid-life crisis, financial worries, moving house, losing a job, starting a new job, recovering from illness, anything that puts stress on a person.
Understanding why the affair happened will help you to move forward. Accept that you need to mourn the relationship.