They seem to colour your expectations and psychologists confirm that they have a long-lasting effect. But you can move on from the losses you experienced in childhood, so don’t despair. If you know you suffered a loss but are not aware of it affecting you, look carefully at your life. It’s possible you may be so used to feeling a certain way that you don’t realise where it came from, or that you can do something about it.
If you suffer from depression, anxiety or obsessive thoughts you probably regard the world, deep down, as a scary place that’s not going to give you what you need. Childhood losses do not have to have been dramatic to have an effect. People who lost a parent in infancy may, for instance, have received so much love and attention in compensation, that they experience very little, or no, sense of loss. Another person may still feel keenly the loss of a pet rabbit, when they were seven. Much depends on the person, how the loss was handled, and other conditions – for instance a relatively small loss can highlight not being understood, feeling safe etc.
Yes, you need to ‘get over it’ but that’s a work in progress. If you had a physical wound that had become infected or took ages to heal, you wouldn’t blame yourself, so look after your emotional wounds in the same way.
Do you tell yourself things like ‘I’m always unlucky’, ‘I’m bound to fail’, ‘I never get the fab job/financial break/great partner etc.’ Then you’re creating your own reality probably on the basis of childhood losses. Be aware of those negative life scripts, for they can be re-written. Pull yourself up and repeat more positive messages.
It may not be quite the same, but if there is something you didn’t have as a child, such as a pet or treats, have them now. (However, keep a sense of balance – see below.)
Although it can be good to give yourself treats, be aware of how you may have been compensating for your childhood losses in unhealthy ways. For instance if you were deprived of freedom are you now a commitment-phobe? If food was an issue are you now gorging on chocolate and giving yourself a weight problem? If you’re doing that you’re only repeating the deprivation in a different way.
This isn’t crazy – we are all many small personalities, rolled into one. Imagine you can take this little person by the hand and go off to examine your real needs. You’re adult now, and more powerful than you realise. You can sort this out.
Despite all your efforts, childhood losses can cling, and talking about this can be a great consolation. At The Circle you can always contact a psychic or medium who can help you. Benefit from a psychic reading, check your horoscope, get some advice, insight and support. A clairvoyant reading can show ways to move forwards, so make contact with us without delay.
PUBLISHED: 18 March 2015