The sun is shining, the days are long and everyone seems to be planning holidays, spending time with loved ones and having fun. What do you do if you feel left out in the cold, unable to enjoy summer with a special someone?
In this article we look at:
• Summer parted from your lover
• Summer following a break-up
• Summer following bereavement
SUMMER PARTED FROM YOUR LOVER
It doesn’t seem right to be parted from the person you care most about, when everything is bright and full of promise. But if one of you has to work away or go on holiday with other family members, for instance, a separation is unavoidable. Of course you can keep in contact using Facetime or similar, but it’s never the same as the real thing. Here are one or two other ways to pass the time and keep the connection between you:
- Keep a journal or scrap-book of all your most vivid, interesting or poignant experiences. Write what you feel, maybe use poetry or quotes from books you’ve read to expand on this, stick cuttings, leaves, pressed flowers and photos into your scrap-book etc. While you’re doing this, focus on how great it will feel when you can share all of this with your loved one, when you are re-united
- Have a project to keep you occupied which will please the one you love or be something you can share. For instance, you might both decide to concentrate on getting slim and fit so that when you’re re-united you will be especially delighted with each other. Or have some creative scheme to which you can devote your emotional energy and feel fulfilled by
- Look further to the future. This summer won’t last forever. Have plans for the autumn, Christmas, the following spring, when you’ll be together again
- Exchange special gifts before you separate, such as jewellery or an ornament that means something. This should be something you can touch and hold. Before exchanging gifts, each one of you should hold the gift between your palms, close your eyes and pour your love into it. Whenever you feel really lonely, touch your gift and feel re-connected to your lover
SUMMER FOLLOWING SEPARATION
It’s always sad when a relationship ends, but being on your own in the summer can be especially hard. Don’t try to rush your recovery because you feel you ‘ought’ to be enjoying fun and the sun. Accept the fact that perhaps this isn’t going to be the best summer of your life, but it can be a productive one, at the least.
- Make yourself accept some invitations, or take up opportunities to go out. These may not seem at all attractive when you’re on a ‘downer’ but if you don’t get out and about you aren’t giving yourself a chance to move on
- Try not to compare yourself to others. Some people may look happy all loved-up and in couples, but appearances can be deceptive
- Use the summer to improve yourself. However low and lost you feel, you still have you! Start exercising, get slim, have a makeover and get a lovely tan. The better you feel about yourself the quicker your life will move on
- Do something different! What did you always want to do that your ex poured cold water on? Take that holiday to Machu Pichu, swim with dolphins, trek over the Highlands, and soak up the experience that you want
SUMMER FOLLOWING BEREAVEMENT
Everywhere there seems to be vibrant life, people making plans and doing things with someone they’re close to, but your world is empty as never before and you can’t imagine it will ever get better. Summer seems nothing short of cruel as it appears to be mocking your grief.
- Treat your grief as an illness. If can’t be reasoned away and no-one can do anything about it. However, it can be eased. Lie in the sun and let the warmth penetrate to your bones. Try to be in the moment as you look at the beauty of flowers, listen to birdsong or walk on the soft grass. Concentrate on looking after yourself and let the summer light look after you
- Remember that your loved one hasn’t gone completely, they just aren’t with you in the way they used to be. But they are with you in the soft touch of the breeze, the fragrance of blossom, the healing presence of trees and all the magic the natural world has to offer
- Talk to others about your loss and never for one moment worry about ‘spoiling’ anyone else’s holidays by mourning. Sitting around a Midsummer bonfire, talking of the past, re-living it, laughing and crying at memories are all part of the process of moving on.
- It may seem at the moment that your grief is endless. That’s the way of it. But try to have faith that there will be better times ahead. To believe this is not disloyal to the person you have lost – it is more of a thank-you for all they gave you. Next summer you may well be feeling very different, and your heart will lift, so go through the process of this summer as well as you can, opening your heart, letting your feelings flow, knowing that transformation will take place.
- As a special ritual of remembrance and celebration, make a little paper boat, on which you have written a message of love for the person you have lost. Fix a small candle into the boat, light it and let it set sail on a stream or lake. As you launch it, imagine your dear one receiving your loving thoughts and feel that connection that nothing can ever break
HOW WE CAN HELP
We’ve looked at spending summer apart from the one you love, following a relationship break-up and following bereavement. This is a hard time, but you can and will get through it. For some extra help when times are darkest, don’t even think of struggling on alone. Our sympathetic and consoling Readers are always available to give you a lift out of the blackness, so put in a call without delay, and bask in the light of summer.
PUBLISHED: 14 July 2017