Loss is part of life and grief is healthy and natural. However, life goes on and there comes a time to move forwards.
Follow these six steps to get back on track and believe in your future.
- Choose your company wisely
- Banish shame, blame and guilt
- Develop a ‘spiritual’ practice
- Do something completely different
TALK, TALK TALK
Most people these days are well aware that bottling up your feelings isn’t good for you, but many of us still do it. This could be because you feel ashamed, don’t want to bother anyone or simply have not found the right person. However, it is vitally important that you do talk about your feelings in depth and detail.
Hopefully you have good friends you can talk to, but it’s also advisable to have a counsellor who can not only sympathise but also help you to gain insight (because there will be more to your grief than you may first imagine) and then to move on. Help and support are always on hand with our expert Readers, so put in a call to us in the first instance.
CHOOSE YOUR COMPANY WELL
When you’ve experienced a loss it’s understandable that you want to spend time with people who feel the same. That’s a good idea up to a point, but be careful you don’t get bogged down. For instance, if you are bereaved you may spend a lot of time with others who have had the same experience, but at some point you have to stop reliving the past and invest in the future. This can be hard if you have formed close friendships based on your loss, but ask yourself if these are really helping you.
If you can, form close and supportive ties with people you trust but who are not in the same place, emotionally, for these can show you a new world.
ABOLISH SHAME, BLAME AND GUILT
If you have been bereaved chances are you blame yourself for something – maybe for not doing enough, trying harder, being kinder. If you have lost a job or relationship you may tell yourself you weren’t good enough, and feel deeply ashamed. Whatever your loss, you may feel guilty – that sensation that you’ve done something wrong hangs around you.
However, you have done nothing wrong. This is part of life, and whatever you feel bad about, try not to feel bad about yourself. Give yourself the solace of forgiveness. Kindness to yourself is an essential part of your recovery.
PRACTICE DAILY MEDITATION OR SOME OTHER SPIRITUAL PRACTICE
You may feel bereft, but although this overwhelms you at the moment, there is so much more in the vastness of existence. Try to meditate daily, connecting yourself with something greater than your ego. Mindfulness, which is similar, will also help, as will yoga.
You should also journal your feelings, because it will help with a sense of perspective. Whatever spiritual path you have felt attracted to, follow it now. However, be careful of gurus and people who claim to have all the answers because if you are grieving you are vulnerable. Protect yourself and seek the peace and truth of your own heart. Again, our skilled team of Readers can help you with this.
STAY PHYSICALLY ACTIVE
In the early stages of grief you may feel almost physically ill, and you should look after yourself as if you were ill, by taking it easy and pampering yourself. After a while, however, get off the couch and start moving. Fresh air, activity and contact with the seasons will ground and empower you.
Physical activity releases your body’s own equivalent of morphine, too, so get going. Just walking for half an hour a day will work wonders. So much the better if it’s with a dog, for pets have amazing abilities to console and heal.
TRY SOMETHING COMPLETELY NEW
Are you trying to hang on to the past, doing the same old things, hanging around the old haunts? Get over it! Special memories can live on in your heart but you must also make room for the new.
Commit to doing a few new pastimes, simply because they are new. Gradually you will feel stimulated and your interest will be captured. This will distract you from your grief.
Sometimes it helps to take an ‘as if’ attitude. Behave ‘as if’ you are having a good time and sooner or later you’ll realise – possibly to your surprise – that you are!
HOW WE CAN HELP
We’ve gone through six steps for you to take following loss. These include talking about it, choosing the right company, banishing shame, blame and guilt, doing a spiritual practice, being active and trying something new. Gradually you should start to feel better. But if you feel deeply sad and bereft you may need something more. Just remember our empathic and highly-trained Readers are always on hand to offer comfort, so phone today and start your healing journey.
PUBLISHED: 22 October 2018