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Stop Grieving and Start Living


We all know that life involves ups and downs, and sometimes you can be hit so hard that being down becomes a habit.  That’s when you need to give yourself a good talking to, because no-one can get you out of it but you.



That may sound like a silly question, but subconsciously we may hold on to misery as the only remnant of the thing or person we have lost.  It’s even possible to enjoy being miserable – it can be a great excuse and cop-out and also a way of channeling our inner anger and resentment.  However, if this applies to you the person you are hurting most is yourself.  Get over it, and start now.


You’ve had your time to grieve and if your loss was considerable, your grieving may take months, or even years.  But now it’s time to turn things around.  You may have become used to giving yourself lots of negative messages, such as ’I’ll never get over this’, ‘What I’ve lost is irreplaceable’. ‘Things can never be the same’ etc.  Although it may take a while, you must meet these concepts head on, for they are not true – that is unless you make them so.  Instead repeat more positive alternatives such as ‘I am moving on’  ‘Something good lies just around the corner’ or anything hopeful you can manage to say with conviction.


How much of your unhappiness is based on your view of reality?  For instance, are you mourning the fact your ‘soul-mate’ has left you?  Well, what makes you think you only have one?  Many people believe we have many soul-mates, and if you open out to that possibility you are much more likely to meet yours.  Perhaps you are trying to get over the death of a loved-one.  But if you believe in an afterlife then is it not likely that this person is in a better place?  If you open out to an awareness of their presence maybe you will feel that consolation.  The Universe is full of enchantment and it is held together by love – see things this way and be transformed.


At the end of each day make a list of three good things that have happened – a stranger made a kind remark, you found something you were searching for, you heard a new song you enjoyed etc.  While your mind is searching for these memories it is very hard to relapse into unhappiness, and there is more likelihood of a few seeds of optimism being scattered.  After a while you can up your list to four, five, six – as many as you feel is realistic.


Before you go to sleep, imagine something really good.  This can be anything that is reasonably possible, but should avoid anything to do with the loss you’re getting over – so don’t fantasize about the return of a lover who has left you, or being reappointed to a job that you’ve lost.  Build an appealing, practical fantasy – this can be the reality of your life, if you believe and concentrate.


You probably don’t feel like doing anything new.  But there are times when we all have to do things we don’t want to, and if you are to make headway, something has to change.  Choose the least challenging of the available alternatives and make yourself take part.  Don’t expect immediate results – in fact at first you may feel worse, but eventually the pendulum will swing the other way.  


Exercise releases the body’s own feel-good hormones, so move about.  Walking and dancing are especially good, but beware turning to boot-camps and drastic work-outs as a form of self-punishment.  Do it gently and regularly, and you’ll feel the benefit.


Smile encouragingly at your reflection in the bath-room mirror each morning and give yourself a pep-talk.  Seek out people, situations and entertainment that make you giggle and you are bound to feel better.

If you truly can’t manage your journey out of the doldrums on your own, don’t worry.  Our helpful and empathic readers at The Circle are always available, so make a call today and take that big step on the road to change.


PUBLISHED: 01 October 2014

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