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Nine Steps To Cope With Loss And Change


Life events can cause major stress to all of us, and even good changes, such as marriage, promotion or moving house can take their toll.  Bear in mind these nine points and you can navigate loss and transition with greater strength and less suffering.


Check out that change is opportunity, followed by the nine steps:
  • Pause
  • Surrender control
  • Accept ending is beginning
  • Reject limiting beliefs
  • Become mindful
  • Accept your emotions
  • Focus on your dreams
  • Be kind to yourself
  • Embrace freedom


Change can come in traumatic forms, such as with bereavement, illness, betrayal or other losses.  At other times change steals upon you from within, like a little voice whispering to you that there is more to life and you need to move on.  All types of change call you to look at what you really want.  Change may be challenging, but it comes with choice.
One of the most difficult aspects to change is the fear it often brings.  Divorce, career transition, injury and illness are often very scary.  They bring up questions about being good enough, loneliness, letting go and facing the unknown.  But don’t give in to anxiety.  Change can and will empower you if you follow these steps.


If you’ve experienced loss, slow down.  You don’t have to cope with everything at once.  Resist the temptation to rush around trying to fix things – often that means you are trying to escape your feelings.  Tasks that used to seem simple may become more difficult, and that’s only to be expected, so don’t fight it.
Don’t tell yourself you have to keep going.  You deserve some time out, so ask for it.  This doesn’t mean you shut yourself away – it just means treating yourself as if you are fragile, because you are.  Focus on breathing gently and rest assured that the next thing in your life is on its way.  You don’t need to scrabble for it.



It is so important to let go and accept uncertainty.  This may feel exactly what you don’t want to do at first, but the more you accept uncertainty the more it will become your friend.  Once you accept that things are unsettled you will see that gives you the chance to embrace possibilities, to let go of the past and things that no longer serve you.  This brings freedom.




Something has to die to make way for something else to be born.  If you’re stuck in a bad place this may be hard to visualise, but have the faith to accept this is true.  Fresh events and opportunities are on their way.  Creation and destruction are part of a necessary cycle.  Impossible though it may be to imagine, something better could be just around the corner.




Do you regularly tell yourself you can’t do this or that, you aren’t good enough for something, or talented, or attractive, or charming?  Become aware of all the limiting thoughts you have about yourself.  Every time you find yourself saying to yourself ‘I could never do that’ challenge it.  Where does that belief come from?  Is it really true?  Most people are held back by their beliefs far more than lack of ability




When you realise you’re brooding, panicking or giving yourself negative messages, become mindful.  Immerse yourself in what you’re doing.  This may be cleaning your teeth, sorting your washing, making a meal.  Keep bringing your awareness back into the present moment and anchoring yourself in the here and now.




You don’t always have to be ‘strong’.  Sometimes it helps to soldier on, sometimes it does not. Embrace those feelings, cry, talk to friends, even shout and scream.  You have these emotions, they are real, but you do not need to fear them.  They will not overwhelm you permanently but they need to be heard.




Things will get better.  Read stories about people who came from adversity into success – this happens.  Spend time day-dreaming, write down your wishes, dreams and intentions and/or create a vision board that shows all you visualise coming true.




This helps with every life challenge.  Do be your own best friend.  Look after yourself.  Do not beat yourself up.  Even if you have made mistakes – well, you are only human and who hasn’t?  Forgive yourself, pamper yourself and encourage yourself gently onwards.



Moving forwards after loss takes a while and may involve difficult decisions.  Give yourself time.  Check out all options with your sense of freedom.  Sometimes you may feel pushed into a decision by the wishes of others, by what you’ve ‘always’ done, or what you ‘should’ do.  How does that choice feel?
Take time out to visualise yourself in the new situation.  Does it make you feel free, full of a sense of opportunity, or do you feel heavy and constrained?  Make your choices from a position of freedom, not from fear.  If it feels right, then it is right – if not, find another option.


Now you can hopefully understand that change is opportunity along with the nine steps of pausing, giving up control, realising that ending is beginning, getting rid of limiting beliefs, being mindful, accepting emotions, focusing on your dreams, being kind to yourself and embracing freedom.

Of course loss and change are always a struggle, so don’t hesitate to seek extra support.  Our team of experienced Readers are always on hand to give you help and encouragement, so call today and feel strengthened.

PUBLISHED: 22 August 2018

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