When you lose someone you love or something that’s really important to you, you expect to feel lots of emotions such as sadness, anxiety, bewilderment and loneliness. What may come as a surprise to you is how angry loss can make you. If you feel bad about being angry, that only adds to the stress you’re under. Coming to terms with your anger is an important part of dealing with loss and moving on.
ANGER AT BEREAVEMENT
If someone you love has died you might expect to feel utterly bereft and lonely, but the anger you feel at some stage may surprise you. It can make you feel guilty and ashamed of yourself – the loved one never meant to hurt you, so why are you so enraged?
It’s that little child again, angry at being abandoned, and the first thing you need to do is accept your feelings. Talk out loud to your loved one and tell them they had no right to leave you, if you wish. Obviously in cases of suicide or carelessness you may have some reason to be angry, but do this even if their death was completely not their fault. Express your rage in the knowledge that it is understandable, even if it makes no sense to you.
SIT WITH THE FEELING
Never try to deny your anger, or any other emotion, for that matter. We all know it’s not desirable to go around kicking and breaking things, but an emotion does not have to be acted out to be accepted.
Sit with your anger, recognizing it, even giving it a grudging welcome. Say to it ‘Hello anger, so you’re here again.’ Recognise its hurt and soreness. This is part of being kind to yourself.
HOW WE CAN HELP
Now you can understand why you’re angry at your loss, why bereavement can make you angry, know about sitting with the feeling and have several coping strategies. The most important of these really is talking to someone, so never forget you can have a Reading with us at any time and feel so soothed and healed.
PUBLISHED: 26 April 2018