It’s not that many weeks since New Year, but all those good resolutions have fallen by the wayside, and you’re back to square one. Not only do you feel disappointed that you haven’t achieved the wonderful things that were going to change your life – you also feel rubbish about yourself. Why are you such a no-hoper? Why do you never manage to make those improvements? Why are you so stuck, unhappy and let down?
Just stop right there! Okay, so you haven’t done what you said you would, but there are reasons for this. With a little more savvy and with a different approach your position will look very different. But first you have to cut yourself some slack.
Don’t say ‘Because I’m weak-willed, hopeless, stupid…’ or any of that negative self-talk. There will be good reasons why you didn’t keep those resolutions that have nothing to do with you being inadequate. In fact you may even have set yourself up for this!
If you answered ‘yes’ to even one of the above, then it’s no surprise that your resolutions have gone haywire. Time to pick things up and proceed in a different way.
That word ‘failure’ is part of negative self-talk that needs to stop if you are to get anywhere. So your first resolution now must be to ban negative self-talk.
Whenever you catch yourself criticising yourself or running yourself down, stop for a minute and make yourself remember three nice things about yourself, or three good achievements. These could be simple things like ‘I made a lovely meal last night’ to bigger things like ‘I’ve got a good job’, ‘I’m a loving parent’ etc. Say these to yourself three times, preferably aloud, stopping the critical stuff in its tracks.
Banning negative self-talk is a pleasant ‘resolution’. You won’t need will-power, but you will need to remember and get into the habit. Only when you are in the habit and are reasonably sure you’ve stopped all negative self-talk for a fortnight should you progress to making some new, more sensible resolutions.
As for ‘failure’ itself, it’s a nasty, unhelpful word, much better replaced by ‘work in progress’. Every successful person in the whole wide world has fallen short of their aims many times, and some have messed up totally. But instead of beating themselves up, they’ve kept on keeping on and they’ve had faith in themselves, until eventually success has been achieved.
You also can be successful, and feel good about yourself.
Once you are in the habit of being kind and supportive to yourself, you can choose some goals to aim for. Remember these points:
In this article we have looked at why those resolutions fell by the wayside, banishing negative self-talk and moving forwards with new resolutions. It is natural to feel disappointed in yourself at times – life’s like that. But if you follow these tips and keep trying you will win through in the end!
PUBLISHED: 2 February 2016