Dealing with rejection can be really tough. We all have to face rejection as we go through life, but sometimes it can feel shattering. When you’ve been rejected it may be crushing, and for a while you could believe you will never recover – but you will!
HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION
There is no one size fits all approach to rejection, because how you react depends on your personality and the particular type and/or severity of the rejection. However, you can learn how to deal with rejection a little better with the following pointers:
- Firstly, remember however bad you feel you will get over this. The horrible, raw sensation of dealing with rejection will heal
- Do not be hard on yourself – negative self-talk is out! It’s not your fault
- Try to learn from rejection. Why were you rejected? Was it because you went after something, or somebody, that was unsuitable? Perhaps you weren’t ready, or had the wrong attitude, or were unrealistic. This isn’t about putting the blame on you – it’s about seeing clearly
- Ask yourself if your negative beliefs set you up for failure – could that have been the case?
- Remember that all successful people have failed many times, and been rejected. You are not out in the cold – you are in good company
- After rejection allow yourself a ‘mourning’ period. You can have a cry, and some TLC. But sooner rather than later you must get up and at ‘em again – do not wallow
- Ask friends for help – but make sure the people you turn to are positive and encouraging
- Ask someone whose advice you respect, why they think you’ve failed and what you could do to ensure this doesn’t happen again
When dealing with rejection your self esteem is vital. If you have good, or reasonable self esteem, you will be able to deal with rejection so much better and recover more quickly. The rejection won’t cut you so deeply – you will realise that you are not being rejected as a person, only in the specific circumstance.
However, if your self-esteem is shaky, rejection can feel as if you are destroyed, and the whole of you is ‘rubbished’. If you find you’re reacting that way, then your self-esteem needs some serious work.
Self-esteem comes from up-bringing, in the main, but even if yours wasn’t so good, you can still build your self-esteem. Check out the article on SELF LOVE on this site. The biggest favour you can do yourself now is to work on your self-esteem. Then your rejection will have done you a favour!
DEALING WITH JOB REJECTION
If you have been rejected after applying for a job, you need to find out why. Most employers will explain, if you ask, and this can be very helpful for the future. More often than not you will find out that you were rejected for reasons that may be neutral, or even positive.
For instance you may be over-qualified and there may have been fears that you’d be bored. They may have wanted someone older or younger, or simply been overwhelmed with applications. Or it may be that you lived too far away, or not had enough experience or they promoted from within, or any of a dozen other explanations that do not have anything to do with your merit.
When dealing with job rejection you need to be practical. What can you learn from this? Do you need more training? A different CV? A more direct approach? (for instance, sometimes an actual visit can help, or asking a company you want to work for if they have a job, rather than waiting for one to be advertised). Try to re-frame the idea of dealing with job rejection into a lesson in being more effectual.
DEALING WITH REJECTION FROM A GUY
Relationships can be painful, and if you are a heterosexual female, dealing with rejection from a guy is something you’re inevitably going to have to tackle at some point. This can hurt both your heart and your pride, but it is not a reflection on your true worth.
If you’re dealing with rejection from a guy it will probably be because he was never emotionally available. What you need to understand is that however desirable he seemed, he really wasn’t that good. You have built him up to be something that he is not – there will be someone better out there, so move on.
The most important thing is that you do not let this become a pattern. Ask yourself why you are/were attracted to a man who was going to reject you? Is it because you subconsciously don’t think you’re worth it? Could it be that you are repeating something you learnt earlier in life – for instance if your father repeatedly let you down has that become a template for your relationships? Or could it be that, deep down, you are not ready for commitment, and so you’ve instinctively hooked up with someone who doesn’t want it?
Partnerships don’t always work – we know this. But when you start to heal after the rejection, use it to learn about yourself. This doesn’t have to happen again.
DEALING WITH REJECTION FROM A GIRL
When dealing with rejection from a girl, all the above comments about dealing with rejection from a guy apply. Men may find it harder to understand women, because they can be more complex. Try not to be too analytical – you won’t necessarily find answers through logic. If you remember to be considerate, while also keeping your own confidence strong, you will eventually get the ‘yes’ that you are looking for.
Just because you want to be with someone does not mean they necessarily feel the same. However, it is very important that you don’t take the rejection personally. The girl may enjoy being single, be working through emotional problems, be attached to someone else or simply be busy. You need your mates, social life and other interests. Don’t brood – get out and live!
PICKING YOURSELF BACK UP
In this article we’ve looked at dealing with rejection from several angles. Dealing with job rejection, dealing with rejection from a guy and dealing with rejection from a girl. We’ve also looked at the all-important question of self-esteem. When moving on from rejection, positive thinking is essential.
Do not focus on your failures, call yourself names or stop believing in yourself. One rejection, or even several, does not mean you’ll never be successful. Keep on visualising what you want being within your grasp and affirm that you are getting there. See yourself as happy and fulfilled and you will be.
PUBLISHED: 30 NOVEMBER 2015