Anger is a natural part of grief, but many people find it particularly hard to cope with, or even accept. Your anger is part of the process that leads, eventually, to being able to move on, so listen to your anger and be kind to yourself.
Work through your anger
Grief-anger can take several forms. Raging at a cruel god or cosmic force is a recognised reaction, but what about fury at the lost loved-one? It may seem wrong to feel this anger and the phrase 'never speak ill of the dead' can make you suppress your emotions, which is never constructive. You may feel angry at things your loved-one did while they were alive, but it is also quite normal to experience anger at the person simply for abandoning you, however irrational that may seem. In addition, you are almost sure to be angry at yourself for all the things you didn't say or do. To work through your anger, consider these points;
- If you experience anger you must listen to it. It is quite natural even though you may feel uncomfortable about it, so try not to feel guilty.
- If you are angry at yourself, apply the 'glass half full' rule and determinedly bring to mind all the good things you did do.
- Remember that just because you are angry that does not mean you did not love and value the person you have lost. Nor does ranting at a a higher power mean you are not spiritual. These are just emotions that you are going through and you have a right to express them.
- When you are bereft it is only natural that your Inner Child should surface. We all have this 'Inner Child' and it tends to come to the fore when we are under pressure. This Inner Child wants to have a tantrum and howl at the world - who can blame them?
- Let your anger out by talking about it. The empathic readers at The Circle will understand what you are going through and enable you to put it in perspective.
- Friends of course can be a great help, but be a little bit careful about whom you take into your confidence. Be sure that they have the depth of character and experience to empathise.
- Talk also to your loved-one in spirit. Tell them how mad you are at them. You may get some kind of helpful response that will surprise you.
- Shout at the Divine as much as you like. He - or She - is certainly big enough to take it!
- By all means take your feelings out on inanimate objects. You may find going for a run or a gym-session works, or you may need to shatter something. That's fine, but make sure that you don't destroy anything that you are later going to regret, for instance a photograph or treasured possession, because when you calm down you could regret this.
It may seem that nothing can soothe the internal rawness that comes with grief-anger, but be assured this is not the case. In time the pain will ease and grace will take its place. Meanwhile, don’t hesitate to turn to our readers at TheCircle for extra comfort.
PUBLISHED: 01 February 2014