Are you afraid of being alone? Maybe you think that being alone means you’ll feel lonely, unloved, lost and rejected. But the truth is that time alone is necessary to your spiritual growth and for inward peace.
Don’t waste times alone feeling sorry for yourself. Learn to enjoy and use this treasured space.
Find out more about:
- Why aloneness can be scary, but should be enjoyable
- Re-charge your brain by being alone
TAKE ON BOARD THE FACT THAT BEING ALONE IS ENJOABLE
Why is it often so scary to think of being alone? This may hark back to tribal times, when rejection by the tribe quite literally could mean death through starvation or cold. It’s also a fact that loneliness, which is a feeling of sadness caused by isolation, can indeed harm you by causing depression, depleting your immune system and encouraging unhealthy habits. It’s important to be clear that being alone is very different from being lonely.
Aloneness can be a creative, and deliciously self-indulgent choice. Take on board the fact that primitive times are past and you are not going to be abandoned and in danger. Nor are you going to succumb to any of the bad effects of loneliness.
If you find yourself alone because of bereavement or the end of a relationship, that is naturally painful. However, try to understand that it is the loss of the treasured person that is difficult. The mere fact of being alone does not have to be so unthinkable in itself. Being alone is power! Use it well.
BEING ALONE MAKES YOU CREATIVE
Turn off your mobile and isolate yourself from social media. There’s no-one near you to make demands, ask you questions and disrupt your train of thought. Bliss! Now you can let your mind wander, dream and play with ideas. This is when you’re likely to get flashes of inspiration, original ways of looking at things and moments of clear perception.
When you’re alone let yourself dream with a pencil in your hand. Jot down anything interesting that occurs to you. This could change your life.
LET YOUR BRAIN RE-CHARGE
You may not realise this but your brain needs to re-charge. This is similar to your lap-top or tablet – too much use drains the battery. Being alone gives your brain a chance to ‘plug itself in’ to the powerhouse of rest and silence. You would not expect your electronic devices to continue without this re-charge. Aloneness gives this to your brain.
BOOST YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
When you’re on your own you can reflect and be comfortable with yourself. The judgments you make are yours alone. You can also solve problems on your own, which makes you feel strong and confident. You can be your ‘own person’, which makes you a much better potential friend or partner.
If you’re comfortable being on your own you make better choices about who you connect with – you aren’t ‘needy’, wanting to be with anyone just for the sake of it. You also become more self-aware, so you can be naturally empathic with others, and less liable to judge them in order to make yourself feel superior.
Being alone makes you able to relate, truthfully, naturally and kindly with other people. If your relationship has ended, take some alone time to get to know yourself really well. If you are in a relationship, alone time is essential for the health of the partnership. Alone-time will bring you a brighter future.
MAKE A DATE
Now you’re aware of all the fabulous benefits of being alone, set a time when you will commit to this. If you’re surrounded by people, don’t just wait for a moment when everyone has gone off to do their own thing leaving you with some peace. Instead, take control. Look in your diary and pick a time when you can reserve a few hours to be in splendid isolation. Treat this date as a highly important matter – don’t stand yourself up!
TAKE IT BIT BY BIT
If being alone is a fairly new experience for you, don’t overdo it. Short times on your own will be more manageable, so it’s better to have several brief alone-times than one longer one. Let yourself get used to it gradually. If you start to get anxious, terminate the alone time and affirm that you have the power and the choice to do this. See – not so scary once you realise this!
As you become more practiced, have longer times alone until your tolerance increases.
Probably there are a hundred and one things you’d like to do but you can’t get anyone to play along. So when you have time alone you can watch a movie that you like. Take up writing, painting or music, or simply meditate. You will come to look forward to your times alone.
Give yourself a manicure or pedicure, cook the meal that you enjoy. Have a facial or a massage, or just extra time soaking in the bath. Repeat to yourself the message that you are looking after you. Don’t feel bad about talking to yourself as if you were your own friend, or someone caring for you such as a therapist. We all have many different ‘sub-personalities’ within us and being alone gives you the opportunity to let them interact – it certainly does not mean you’re ‘losing it’!
If you have been bereaved or your relationship has ended it can be especially comforting to treat yourself in this kind way.
HOW WE CAN HELP
We’ve seen that being alone can be enjoyable and creative, it can re-charge your batteries and boost your relationships. You know the importance of making a date, having manageable alone intervals, having fun and pampering yourself. Being alone is to be treasured and sought after.
PUBLISHED: 03 September 2018