It’s always hard to be alone at special times. Christmas is one such occasion, but at Christmas you can be with friends and family, and not having a partner may not be so obvious. Valentine’s Day, however, is a time for couples. With the shops full of ‘I love you’ cards and heart-shaped trinkets, it really rubs it in if you’re sad and single.
Here we look at:
- Letting your feelings flow
- Keeping away from triggers
- Taking on board it’s just one day
LET YOUR FEELINGS FLOW
If you’ve recently been bereaved or have gone through a divorce or separation, Valentine’s Day can make the emotions more acute. That’s understandable. Don’t fight the feeling. Grieve in your own way, take trips down memory lane – even look at old cards that remind you of happy days in the past.
However, please note that if your lost relationship was harmful to you in some way it’s much better to face this. Never let yourself wallow in self-pity over someone who mistreated you – that just eats away at your self-esteem.
You may need to talk things through with friends and/or have a good cry. That’s fine, but don’t let it go on too long. There is a balance to be struck between mourning and moping. There’s no point in torturing yourself. There are ways you can protect yourself, and even plan a pleasant day.
KEEP AWAY FROM TRIGGERS
If you need to move on, rebuild, or just think positively about the future, then that takes courage. But you don’t have to prove you’re brave by exposing yourself to more of the hearts and flowers stuff than necessary. If you don’t want to be reminded then maybe limit the times you go into town for a while, look away from the card racks and distract yourself.
PLAN A GOOD DAY
So you don’t have a romantic partner? Then you’re not the only one! It is very hard to estimate what percentage of people are without a ‘significant other’ of some sort. However, statistical surveys show this is between ten and thirty per cent of the population. So there are plenty of people ‘out there’ who will also be solitary on Valentine’s Day.
If you can find a single friend to have a laugh with, then why not get together? So much the better if there is a party of you. Swapping stories and talking about your feelings will lighten your mood. You may see the funny side of it all!
Do you really need someone else to make a fuss of you? Who knows best how to give you a good time? The answer is you, of course. So what would you like to do?
Make this Valentine’s Day special by pampering yourself. Set aside a few hours to do exactly as you please. This could mean reading a good book, watching films, having a massage or a makeover – whatever. Just think – no arguments about the best place to go. You can simply have a great time pleasing yourself.
SEE THROUGH THE HYPE
At this time of year we are presented with endless images of perfect romance. But how real is that, even for the great majority of people who are coupled up? The truth is most relationships involve a lot of compromise, imperfection and downright unhappiness.
Don’t make yourself miserable over a mirage. There’s plenty for you to do, experience and enjoy on your own.
FREE TO DREAM
So you don’t have a partner now but that doesn’t mean you won’t ever. Think of the good things about being single on this day:
- You’re not having to compromise, to please someone else
- You’re not having to convince yourself that an unsatisfactory relationship is true romance
- You don’t have to buy a card with a message you don’t feel
- You are free to dream, to imagine the relationship that is right for you
- You are free to spend time on yourself, or with friends
IT’S JUST ONE DAY
The run up to Valentine’s Day starts in January, but this is still only one day out of your life. You will get through this. Why make yourself unhappy focussing on the sixteen or so hours that you will be awake without a partner? February 15th will come and it will all be forgotten.
Or will it? You can move on gratefully, but for those who have been disappointed by something their lover did, or didn’t do, Valentine’s Day will leave a shadow. Thank goodness that does not apply to you!
HOW WE CAN HELP
We’ve looked at the value of letting your feelings flow, keeping away from triggers, planning your time, pampering yourself, seeing through the hype, being free to dream and the fact that it’s just one day. Of course this can be a challenge if you’re lonely, but there is one wonderful gift you can give yourself that will make Valentine’s Day special – a consultation with one of our insightful Readers. Who knows? This could change your life and lead you on a path that will make next Valentine’s Day truly special. Who needs champagne and roses? Put in a call and feel uplifted.
PUBLISHED: 05 February 2018