When someone injures you it’s understandable to ask yourself why they should get away with it. Holding on to hurt and anger may seem like a way of getting back at them, but think about it. How can your negative feelings affect them in any way? You are the only person hurt by those emotions. They are keeping you stuck and miserable. So why not give yourself the sweetest gift possible? Let go, move on and send out nothing but love.
Find out about:
- Live well is the best revenge
- All the benefits of forgiveness
LIVE WELL IS THE BEST REVENGE
Just suppose the person who hurt you actually wants you to suffer. If you nurture those bruised emotions, you’re playing their game and if they know they’ve upset you, they’ll be laughing. Don’t be part of this. There is so much in life to enjoy, and no-one can ever take away your zest for it, unless you let them.
So if you feel outraged, use all that energy to push forwards with your plans and activities. Quite probably, this was meant to happen in the scheme of things so you’re motivated to improve yourself. You could even end up being grateful to them for the kick they gave you towards your goal!
THE GREAT THINGS ABOUT FORGIVENESS
If you decide to ‘live well’ you may realise forgiveness flows naturally, as you find yourself in a better place. But it’s never too soon to forgive, and however hard it seems it’s never impossible. Forgiveness gives you several advantages:
- You take back your personal power
- You have more energy, because resenting someone is an all day, every day activity whereas forgiveness only needs to be done once
- You liberate yourself from a prison of anger and resentment
- You let spiritual light into your life
ACCEPTANCE – IT’S YOUR FIRST BIG STEP
What’s done is done. Learn not to go over the past, because you can’t change it. Learn from it and move on. Healing can only happen in the present. Think of acceptance as being a firm place to stand in a changing world. Acceptance gives you something to build your future on and it will empower you.
Of course, acceptance isn’t the same as forgetting. You may forgive but in some instances it’s not a good idea to forget. There are lessons to be learnt from the situation that are positive for you.
Accept also your own total responsibility for your emotions. Of course, sometimes it’s very hard not to be upset and enraged, but when the initial storm has passed, remind yourself that no-one can make you feel bad – only you do that. The pain is real, but suffering is a choice. Practice throwing it out.
UNDERSTAND AS BEST YOU CAN
Separate the person from the act as much as you can. You may hate what they did, but that isn’t the same as hating them. Deep within they are vulnerable and may have pressures and wounds that you can’t know. It may help to imagine all the bad stuff they’ve gone through in life, to the point where you might even feel sorry for them, for their negativity.
Work on understanding why they did what they did. What could have pushed them to act that way? Everyone is on a journey, everyone struggles to some extent, we all make mistakes and we all have darker sides that we sometimes express. The more understanding you have, the more you can see the weakness of the person who hurt you, the stronger you will become.
LET IT GO
Sit with the emotions you are experiencing. Anger, sadness, fear, pain – even guilt and shame. These are locked into you and they are toxic to your spirit. Be aware of how these emotions are affecting your body – where you feel tight or uncomfortable, or maybe literally in physical pain. Now imagine that you are letting go of all of this, like dark knots, black flames – whatever picture comes into your mind. Now do something really forceful such as punching a cushion, jumping, running or throwing things. Imagine that you are forcing the feelings out of your system.
When you’ve done this, sit quietly again and imagine that you are breathing in light. Feel the light flowing through all parts of you, illuminating dark corners, energizing parts of you that have been depleted.
Do these activities as often as you need to. Forgiveness may have to come in ‘layers’ as you release deeper and deeper levels. It is also a good idea to get in the habit of meditating, drawing beautiful influences towards you and healing you soul.
FORGIVE YOURSELF TOO
A final word is now essential – forgive yourself. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to forgive yourself for any mistakes or wrongdoing. But you are human. We all do those things, whatever awful action you’re carrying with you. So give yourself the ultimate gift of forgiveness and move on in life lighter and happier.
HOW WE CAN HELP
Now you have lots of ideas about forgiveness. Live well is the best revenge, the advantages of forgiveness, the role of acceptance, understanding and release, not forgetting forgiving yourself. There is one more very helpful stage in forgiving – that is sharing. Talk your resentment and wounds through with another person as part of the healing process. There’s no better way to start this than by calling one of our empathic, encouraging Readers who will set you on your way to recovery.
PUBLISHED: 12 July 2018