Being a victim of love could be a lifelong punishment unless you change your habits and attitude towards yourself and your relationships. Do you have a toxic relationship with your partner?
Sadly, many of us at some time or another have experienced toxic relationships. Why is it that we often end up in the same type of relationship when it is the last thing that we want? Being a victim of love could be a lifelong punishment unless you change your habits and attitude towards yourself and your relationships. Often it is because we are attracted to a certain type of person or character and these people end up being a problem and actually are not a good influence in our life. It may be that subconsciously we do not feel we are worthy of something better and this is often embedded within us from childhood or from an earlier time in our life. Acknowledging our habits and seeing the relationship signs that things are not working, is the first step to recognising that there is a problem with your partner. Leaving relationship concerns from toxic relationships and not doing anything about it, is only prolonging the inevitable but many people do not feel confident enough or have the self-esteem to go through with it.
Toxic relationships will never be good or get better…
It can be very difficult to come to terms with or recognise that your relationship with your partner has served its time. Often we forgive situations and just keep moving forward and do not properly deal with a problem at the time. Miscommunication is largely an issue, because some of us may not have the self-esteem to speak up and face a crisis because we are afraid of losing our partners and being alone. We fall in to habits of just accepting things the way they are and ignore the relationship signs that suggest there is a major problem. Toxic relationships will never be good or get better - you will always be fighting, arguing or be silent and settling for life as it is. Does your partner think there is an issue? Recognising the signs of a toxic relationship is the first step to understanding that this partnership does not have longevity:
What happens a few years down the line when you say ‘Actually, I’m not happy about you behaving like that’?
When we are in new relationships everything is exciting. We bask in the honeymoon period, absorbing in the delight of this amazing new person, lover and potential life partner that we are spending as much time with as possible. However, as fantastic as this may feel, it is still easy to recognise toxic relationships in these early stages and it is something to be aware of. Does your partner show habits of trying to control you, have they been disloyal, shown unreasonable anger or do they seem to not ever be willing to compromise? Remember the longer you are with someone, the harder it is to end it. Overlooking or leaving relationship signs at this early stage means you will only compromise yourself and it’s almost like giving permission to your partner that it’s okay to treat you this way. What happens a few years down the line when you say ‘actually, I’m not happy about you behaving like that’ – they will retaliate because that’s the way they have always behaved and you’ve never mentioned it until now. The saying ‘start as you mean to go on’ is exactly what you should be doing. Balanced and mutually loving relationships with equal respect for each other, is healthy and much more desirable than toxic relationships.
Build up your self-esteem and confidence and give yourself healing time…
So you have acknowledged that your relationship signs are toxic and you have tried to compromise, explain to them why you’re unhappy, you’ve possibly already broken up several times – and still, there is no change. You have established within yourself that you have spent more time unhappy than happy, that the relationship and problems with your partner have reached the stage that has just become exhausting and its clearly having a negative impact in your life? It’s time to say goodbye to your toxic relationship. Break habits so that you do not entertain the same type of relationship ever again, build up your self-esteem and confidence and give yourself healing time. This time will give you the space that you need to ponder the types of relationships you’ve experienced and to draw a line under them. Reflection is important and a learning curve, it teaches us what we want and what we don’t want. Eventually you will experience a loving, healthy and happy long-term partnership in the future.
PUBLISHED: 28 March 2016