Coping With Loss Of Affection

We can’t stay ‘in love’ all the time. Sooner or later that rosy glow fades and we have to work at making a happy life with another human being, who is as flawed as we are. Hopefully there will be enough compatibility and genuine warmth to get us through. But what do you do if all affection seems to have gone? Walking away isn’t always the answer.

Here we look at:

Losing that loving feeling

Why affection disappears

Finding support

The role of self-esteem

Moving on

LOSING THAT LOVING FEELING

Affection isn’t quite the same as ‘love’. Affection is caring, closeness, sympathy, but these days we don’t use the word so much for passion. So losing affection can be more radical than falling out of love. If you have lost all affection for your partner, not only do you have no strong feelings for them, you may not want to touch, talk to or care for them. That can be very harsh for both parties.

WHY HAS AFFECTION DISAPPEARED?

You can lose affection for quite a few reasons:

You find out that the person you loved wasn’t what you thought they were

Your loved one has let you down so badly you just can’t feel any warmth towards them

You carry wounds to do with neglect and rejection – you may have overcome these to some extent during the ‘in love’ phase, but now the relationship is established you’ve switched off

You’re going through depression, and can’t feel anything

You’ve lost your self-esteem and therefore have nothing to give anyone else

You’ve fallen in love with someone else and all your emotional energy is going towards them

There has been violence or cruelty in the relationship

There may be other reasons for loss of affection, and sometimes it’s hard to know quite what’s happened. If you’re the one who has lost affection, then a little self-analysis will help you decide what to do. If your lover has withdrawn their affection, it’s reasonable for you to try to find out why. However, there’s a limit to the amount of time it’s useful to spend analysing, so don’t get bogged down or preoccupied.

SEEK SUPPORT

If your lover has stopped loving you, don’t try to struggle on alone, with a stiff upper lip. Pretending to the world that everything is all right won’t make it so, and certainly won’t help you. Talk to trusted friends. Consider having therapy, to talk through deeper issues, and remember that our helpful, understanding Readers are always ready with insight and healing messages, so put in a call sooner rather than later.

If you are the one who has lost affection, you may be feeling quite guilty and bad about yourself. However, this loss of affection is as much a tragedy for you as it is for your lover. Realise that you cannot help how you feel, any more than you can stop the tide from going out. Accepting your feelings and yourself and restoring your proper self-love could even bring back some feeling for your partner. Certainly it will enable you to see the best way forward. If you are confused, counselling can help, and the emotional pain that you are going through can be helped by a call to our supportive Readers.

SELF-ESTEEM IS KEY

Loss of self-esteem can, in itself, lead to loss of affection for your partner. Unless you feel good about yourself you can’t ever have anything worthwhile to give another person. Self-esteem issues are crucial in any relationship, so take a look at yours.

If your partner has stopped being affectionate to you, there’s no point begging or arguing. Your task now is to re-build your self-esteem, because only through this can you hope either to regain their affection, or to move on.

If you are the one who has withdrawn warmth, blaming yourself is only going to make you close down more. Whatever your role in the loss of affection that has taken place, feeling good about yourself is essential. Work on this.

MOVING ON

When you’ve had a lovely partnership, leaving this and moving on can feel devastating. However, there isn’t anything to be gained by trying to reignite something that’s died. It’s undignified, and you are worth more than that.

After you have reached some understanding of what has happened, then you will know if there is any hope, or if there is none. However painful this may be at first, make yourself move on. Tell yourself that even though there seems no light at the end of the tunnel, one day there most certainly will be. You will survive, and you will be stronger.

Move away from this destructive situation, because even though you are not getting, or giving affection at the present time, later on you will find it elsewhere. Set yourself free to find happiness.

HOW WE CAN HELP

We’ve looked at ways affection can disappear, seeking support, self-esteem issues and moving on. Support can come from many sources, but there is a great deal to be said for a detached, calm perspective, enriched by messages from Spirit. All of this is on offer, a matter of seconds away, with our team of Readers, so why not get in touch and start to feel better?

PUBLISHED: 28 March 2017

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