Being in love should be joyful and fulfilling. But if you can’t really believe you’re loved then it’s purgatory. To find happiness in love you have to trust in it – and yourself.
Find out about:
- The effects of disbelief on your relationship
- How to boost your self-esteem
- The role of sharing and doing things together
THE ROLE OF SELF-ESTEEM
You might think that if you find someone to love you, you’ll feel great about yourself. If you’ve struggled with your sense of self-worth, it may seem simple to put this right – just find someone who adores you and you’ll feel adorable.
However, that just isn’t how it works. You have to love yourself before you can really trust that anyone else cares for you. If you don’t love yourself then however hard you try you probably won’t ever feel lovable. Worse than this, you may come to regard anyone who loves you with a certain amount of scorn, even though this may be subconscious. How could anyone who is worth anything really want to be with you? Such attitudes can erode your relationship.
EFFECTS ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP
If you can’t believe that you’re loved the chances are that you’ll often be wanting reassurance. The person who loves you will naturally want to give you this, but it can be very wearing on the relationship if it’s frequent. It may begin to seem that you needing to be loved is the most important thing – in fact, it’s all about you. It’s not hard to see that this could come across as selfish.
If you have little confidence you may mistrust your lover, which can be hurtful. If you’ve given your heart it’s hard when the person you’ve given it to can’t appreciate this, and is insecure every time you’re out of their sight. So you owe it to your lover to learn to trust.
Before you can believe that you are loved you may have to take action outside your relationship, to make this right. It isn’t fair to rely on your lover to keep reassuring you.
Talk to friends and get their take on things. Many people lack confidence and probably there will be someone who can empathise. Friends can point out all your good qualities and all the ways that you’re lovable, so listen to your good friends.
Resist the temptation to become obsessed about the relationship, needing to be with your lover at all times. Instead, take part in other activities that you are good at. The buzz you get from being successful is sure to help you.
Note down all the compliments to receive in a journal and read them back when you need a boost. Remind yourself of all the times you’ve been successful in the past. You can also list all the things about you that are loveable, however silly this might seem. It’s so important to open your own eyes and believe in yourself.
Ask your lover to give you a special gift that symbolizes love and trust. This could be a piece of jewellery or a crystal. Ask your partner to hold the article between their palms and pour love into it. Don’t worry if they don’t take it seriously – love can be conveyed even with a playful attitude. Whenever you feel really wobbly, just hold your jewellery or crystal and open your heart to the love stored there for you.
SHARE AND DO THINGS TOGETHER
Rather than concentrating on what you fear is wrong, turn your attention to positives and build on them. If you’re doing things together and getting absorbed in them there will be less time to worry about how much you’re loved.
Shared interests will also place the emphasis on what binds you together. When you have fascinating things to talk about and plans to make you’ll be less likely to keep on about how insecure you feel.
Something that will be especially helpful in bonding and fostering trust is to practice mindfulness together and follow a spiritual path. That way you can forge a deep connection that can drive away all doubts.
HOW WE CAN HELP
Now you know about the role of self-esteem, the effects of doubt on your relationship, how to boost your self-esteem and the importance of doing things together and the bonding that brings. But if you really can’t believe that you are loved you may want some deeper reassurance from someone who has insight and wisdom. Our intuitive Readers can see the truth of your situation, so to know where you really stand, call today and find clarity.
PUBLISHED: 16 May 2018