This is a story that could be told over and over in busy times like these it so easy to forget manner or jump to the wrong conclusion but for peace and harmony in your life take the time to look at your actions and listen to those around you.
Debbie rushes home from work, she doesn't feel like cooking but she appreciates that her husband Mark prefers a home cooked meal rather than a take away. Whilst gathering the ingredients together she realises that she is missing an item, she doesn't have time to pop to the shop so she improvises. Whilst sitting down at the dinner table eating Mark mentions that the dinner doesn't taste the same as the last time she made it. Debbie immediately reacts by saying “sorry her cooking isn't as great as his precious mother”. Mark reacts by saying “you've never liked her have you”. An argument ensues and both are sat looking at each other wondering what on earth happened for the obvious love that they share for each other to apparently disappear in an instant.
• It is at this point that they both need to sit back and reflect on what has happened.
• Ideally they need to take a “helicopter view” of what just occurred. By this I mean they need to look down on the situation as a non-judgemental observer.
• By looking at the past they can uncover why they both reacted as they did.
Debbie realises that her Virgo mother, who was a perfectionist, never appreciated what Debbie did and always found fault in whatever she did. Mark's comment bought this memory back to her. It's not helped by the fact that Mark is very close to his mother and they share a completely different relationship as Mark can do no wrong in his mother's eye.
Mark understands that he has had a bad day where a project he is working on was criticised by his line manager plus on the long drive home he was cut up by another driver. He didn't appreciate that Debbie had worked all day and then spent time preparing his meal and rather than commenting he should have thanked her.
• Once the understanding is there they can both explain why they reacted as they did.
• This understanding allows the argument to be seen from a different prospective for each person, showing that it is the outside world affecting things rather than the love they share.
• Apologises can be made and affection shown to each other.
• Agreement can be made that they will talk about their day to each other in the future to avoid such arguments happening again.
Mark offers to do the washing up so that Debbie can take a relaxing bath.
This is how to overcome an argument, with understanding and love!
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PUBLISHED: 19 MARCH 2015