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Be In The Now In Your Relationship


Relationships should be about love, togetherness and enjoying each other.  All too often however, uncomfortable issues cloud the picture.  It’s so easy to harp on about the past, to compare today with yesterday and worry about tomorrow.  But your relationship, like everything in life, is now.  Make every loving moment count and you will both be enriched.
Find out how to:
  • Improve your intimacy
  • Practice mindfulness together
  • Walk together
  • Share massage
  • Notice your partner 


As time goes by that touch that was so electric can be taken for granted.  You may not bother to hold hands so much, and when you do you don’t think about the warmth and closeness that you are experiencing.  Love-making may become less frequent.  Often you’re too tired, or just can’t be bothered.  Physical contact decreases and you’re not so aware when the other is near.
Improving your intimacy isn’t so much about re-finding the excitement that you had in those early months – although it may be.  It’s about generating a deep awareness and empathy with each other.  Tell your partner that you want each of you to be more physically ‘present’.  Develop little mindful rituals like a good-morning and good-night kiss where you both concentrate totally on the kiss, just for a few seconds.  Hold hands and look into each other eyes every so often, really seeing each other.  You could even say the sentence from the film Avatar, ‘I see you’ to express the fact that you are truly, vibrantly, tuning in to the presence of your dear one.
Love-making is worth creating time for, however busy or tired you are, because it forges a bond between you.  This isn’t just about physical satisfaction.  When two people who care deeply for each other make love, an exchange of spiritual energy takes place.  It’s worth putting a date in your diary for love-making.  Spontaneity is all very well, but it can be over-rated and if you wait for ‘the right moment’ often it never comes.
Set the scene with candles, an oil diffuser and music.  Enjoy each others’ bodies slowly and lovingly.  Imagine there is a column of light within each of you that brightens as you become aroused, finally issuing from the tops of your heads like a sparkling fountain that encircles you both with light.  Each time you do this you are strengthening the spiritual bond between you.


Ten minutes spent in mindfulness together, where you both focus in being in the present moment, creates peace and a relaxed atmosphere.  You could take it in turns to talk, softly and slowly, saying what you notice about your immediate surroundings.  For instance you could say ‘The birds are singing outside, the clock is ticking, the cushions supporting us feel soft, the air is pleasantly warm….’  Or you can simply sit in silence.
After your mindfulness, talk about your experience.  Have a shared mindfulness journal where you record how it felt.  Ensure your mindfulness sessions are not too long because you want them to fit into your life and be regular.  As time goes by this will become easier and you will find you look forward to the shared stillness.


The simple act of walking together can be wonderful.  This should not be a dash from A to B, but a leisurely wander where you notice your surroundings.  Don’t talk about difficult stuff unless you have to.  Just savour the experience.
Touch trees, delight in flowers, laugh at the wind or the rain, comment on what you’re experiencing and of course hold hands.  At the end of each walk you’ll feel closer than before.


Giving each other a massage can be quite separate from sex.  Of course it may lead to love-making, but massage is very therapeutic and it can be pleasant just to focus on it this way.  If one of you has aches and pains it’s a very soothing experience, generating compassion and tenderness.
It’s worthwhile finding out a little bit about massage techniques.  You don’t have to be an expert, but it will help to have some hints.  Choose essential oils you both like and dilute them in a carrier oil such as olive oil, one or two drops per teaspoon.  Concentrate totally on what you are doing, feeling the texture of your partners skin and tuning in to their body.  If you are the one being massaged it will be very difficult not to be ‘in the moment’ because it feels so good!



Each day notice five new things about your partner.  This brings your mind right into the present time and also helps you to appreciate your dear one.  You may think you know your partner inside out, but how do they introduce themselves to others?   Where do they have moles or freckles?  How do their eyes wrinkle when they laugh?  Your partner is unique and amazing.



You now know how you can improve your intimacy with mindful touch, being mindful together, walking together, sharing massage and noticing your partner.  However, if you have problems as a couple you will need some helpful advice to be in the ‘now’ together.  Don’t miss out when you should be happy.  Call our expert Readers for advice that will set you on your way as a couple.



PUBLISHED: 03 August 2018

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