As time goes by that touch that was so electric can be taken for granted. You may not bother to hold hands so much, and when you do you don’t think about the warmth and closeness that you are experiencing. Love-making may become less frequent. Often you’re too tired, or just can’t be bothered. Physical contact decreases and you’re not so aware when the other is near.
Improving your intimacy isn’t so much about re-finding the excitement that you had in those early months – although it may be. It’s about generating a deep awareness and empathy with each other. Tell your partner that you want each of you to be more physically ‘present’. Develop little mindful rituals like a good-morning and good-night kiss where you both concentrate totally on the kiss, just for a few seconds. Hold hands and look into each other eyes every so often, really seeing each other. You could even say the sentence from the film Avatar, ‘I see you’ to express the fact that you are truly, vibrantly, tuning in to the presence of your dear one.
Love-making is worth creating time for, however busy or tired you are, because it forges a bond between you. This isn’t just about physical satisfaction. When two people who care deeply for each other make love, an exchange of spiritual energy takes place. It’s worth putting a date in your diary for love-making. Spontaneity is all very well, but it can be over-rated and if you wait for ‘the right moment’ often it never comes.
Set the scene with candles, an oil diffuser and music. Enjoy each others’ bodies slowly and lovingly. Imagine there is a column of light within each of you that brightens as you become aroused, finally issuing from the tops of your heads like a sparkling fountain that encircles you both with light. Each time you do this you are strengthening the spiritual bond between you.