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Are You Afraid Of Love?


You may think you long for love. If you’re alone, looking for love may be your Number One goal. Why can’t you find that special someone to share your life? The answer could be that you’re subconsciously afraid of love.
Love does demand compromise. It involves risk and may also mean sacrifice. Are you really ready? Find out about:
  • Signs you may fear love
  • Reasons for your fears
  • Reasons to overcome them
  • Ways to overcome them


If you regularly seem to get into relationships with someone who isn’t available, deep in your heart you may be choosing people who can’t, or won’t commit. These people may be too emotionally damaged to give you love, wrapped up in themselves and their interests or attached to someone else.
You may think it’s just your bad luck, but you are making that luck. Why are you letting yourself be drawn in? You may tell yourself that the person you want is just what you need, if only they would commit. BUT if they aren’t committing then they are not right for you. There is something missing, so don’t kid yourself.
Another sign of fear of love is being too picky. You just can’t find anyone who ticks all the boxes. Maybe you are asking for the impossible. Do you really want to relate to a true human being?
Maybe you throw yourself into your career, or other interests. Is that because these things really mean more, or are you avoiding messy luuurrve issues?
Or perhaps you quite readily form relationships but then it all goes wrong. Perhaps you lose your temper and storm off. Or you get fed up. Have you subconsciously taken fright that it’s all too getting too serious?
Whatever the pattern, if you have no luck in relationships it’s worth asking yourself if secret fear is at the bottom of this.


There’s no doubt that loving someone makes you vulnerable. This person then has the power to hurt you very deeply. Certain factors in your personality might make you more afraid:
  • You’ve been hurt in the past, maybe in childhood or another close relationship. You shrink from exposing yourself to intimacy because of this
  • You lack self-esteem. How can you let anyone close? They may then see what you’re really like, criticize you and walk away
  • Control is important to you and you can’t bear to relinquish any part of life-management to another person, or to do anything that could disrupt your organization
  • You feel insecure in some way, such as financially, or in respect of accommodation, career achievement or other matter and you are afraid that if you take your eye off the ball your life will fall to bits
  • When all is said and done, the unknown scares everyone – and love is the unknown. If you’re very risk-averse this could really put you off


  • Love boosts your self-esteem. As long as you aren’t looking to your lover to supply all your self-worth, this is a wonderful lift
  • Love makes you happy. Real love in a good relationship makes the world glow like nothing else does
  • Love makes you healthier. All those feel-good hormones coursing through your veins do you good physically
  • Love makes you live longer. It’s natural to bond and receive companionship and support
  • Love gives rise to more positive emotions so the world looks better and you spread joy
  • Love is good for you mentally, reducing stress, improving memory and other brain functions.
So love is worth the risk!


Once you have the self-knowledge to realise that you do fear love, you have taken a giant step towards overcoming this and moving on.
Think about all the benefits you’ll get from a relationship and be prepared to make compromises. When you find yourself getting caught up in your old patterns of rejection, failure or simple detachment, be aware of what’s happening. Do you really want this situation? Choose to behave differently and visualise better.
Push out of your comfort zone, letting yourself get close to people you might normally feel uneasy around. Why do they perturb you? Is this based on any real threat or is it to do with your fears? Change the places you go and the activities you get involved in – this can all help to shake you up and change those patterns.
Feel grateful for all you have in life. When you wrap yourself in the glow of this, you feel you want to give it out.
Sort out your self-esteem issues, by counseling or positive practices, such as complimenting yourself, counting your good points etc. (See Healthy Self-Love on this site)
Move on from the past, be brave and face the fact that anything in life you may achieve is pretty empty and meaningless without love. The good news is that there is love out there for you – affirm that you’re open to it and always be optimistic.


We’ve looked at signs you may be afraid of love, reasons why this may be the case, reasons to overcome this and strategies to do just that. Finding love is worth the effort. But if you feel really bad about yourself, if you’re hurt and confused then you will greatly benefit from help by one of our Readers. The consolation, insight and encouragement that you need is just a call away, so don’t hesitate. Get in touch today.


PUBLISHED: 25 March 2018

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