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Life after the affair - in or out?


Discovering that your partner has had an affair feels like your world has been turned upside down. The breaking of this trust is a betrayal. A betrayal not only by the individual but also of your hopes, dreams and expectations. On finding out about the affair you probably feel anger about what has happened but also anger for the loss of what could have been for the relationship. At the time there may also be shock, sadness anger and confusion. Later you may experience revenge, guilt, longing for things to go back to what they were or shame and embarrassment that this has happened to you.


Why do affairs happen?


They often occur after a relationship has been in trouble for some time. This may be apparent to the partners or hidden from both of them that the affair appears out of the blue. Affairs make it very clear there is a problem in the relationship often in a painful manner. The types of affairs are:

  • The “Door opener”, this usually happens when a relationship is all but over. The partner who is looking to end the relationship sets up a new relationship.
  • The “Three-legged stool”, often a long term affair that can have an unusual effect on a relationship. The third person stabilises the relationship and the couple both know about the affair.
  • The “Revenge”, often short-lived but can be a real problem for a couple to come to terms with.
  • The “Notice me”, a one-night stand or not even a sexual affair at all.
  • The “Experimental”, this one is probably the most closely linked to sex and takes place where experience of sex has been limited

Triggers for an affair:


This can include bereavement, mid-life crisis, financial worries, moving house, losing a job, starting a new job, recovering from illness, anything that puts stress on a person.

Building trust and learning to love again:

Understanding why the affair happened will help you to move forward. Accept that you need to mourn the relationship.

  • Talk to someone you can trust about your feelings such as the relationship readers at TheCircle.
  • Be kind to yourself.
  • Relax, meditate and gentle exercise.
  • Balanced diet.
  • Find a safe way to vent anger, beating up pillows, primal screaming or smashing bottles at the recycling centre.
Speak to a psychic reader at TheCircle who will help you to build that trust in life again, allowing you to see the path ahead and the new love that will come.

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