2020 has been a tough year for everyone, pressure in work, family and relationships. In fact relationships have especially had it tough, so if you are struggling to keep that spark with your partner alive now is the time to address any issues.
Nothing eats away at love as much as resentment. You may have suppressed certain negative thoughts in order to maintain harmony. Maybe you avoid rows because you’re too tired, or despair of ever finding a solution. However, if there is anger in your heart it will drive out the more positive emotions.
Arrange a time when you will talk about these matters. Each of you must promise to:
- Listen – not to respond but really listen to what the other has to say
- Be honest – be direct but do not be intentionally hurtful
- Not to shout
- Not to accuse, judge or condemn
- To be committed to finding a way forward
It may be that you can’t reach total agreement, but that’s not necessarily the most important outcome. What matters is that you both feel heard and understood. Hurt often fades when you receive empathy.
Make notes on your meeting, however formal that sounds. You may need a record of what you decided, even if it wasn’t anything definite. Then you can pick this up when you have your next ‘meeting’ and maybe take it further.
Commit to having a discussion like this once a month, to keep that dialogue going.
TURN OFF THE DEVICES
At the end of the day it’s easy to collapse on the sofa and do very little all evening. This can mean that you hardly talk to your partner. Many couples also have a television in the bedroom, meaning there is still little attention for each other. Make sure the TV is not on the whole evening to give you change to really speak to each other. Don’t let the TV be the third wheel!
Similar rules apply to your phones/tablets. There must be times when you put them down and switch them off. Shut off all the demands and think only of each other. This is doubly important in the bedroom at the end of the day
Taking your partner for granted erodes a relationship. Instead of doing this, focus on all the qualities – good to amazing – that partner displays. Then make sure you tell them about it. Even saying ‘Thank you’ if that seems right.
Compliments go a long way to repairing love and closeness. They also attract compliments back so it’s a win win.
HOW WE CAN HELP
If you are moving into 2021 with some relationship concerns connect to one of our caring Readers without delay and give your partnership the best chance in 2021.
PUBLISHED: 31 December 2020