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New Year, New Start
2020 has been a tough year for everyone, pressure in work, family and relationships. In fact relationships have especially had it tough, so if you are struggling to keep that spark with your partner alive now is the time to address any issues.

All relationships need an overhaul now and again. With day-to-day pressures it’s easy to let romance slide, and before you know it that connection between you is lost, this is especially true for the added difficulties 2020 brought us. Recover that loving feeling and make your relationship shiny new for 2021.

Things change over time. Job and family pressures, children and mortgages – these all take your focus away from that loving feeling. Of course, practical things need attention and managing life together is all part of what the two of you have to do. But it isn’t, and it will never be the whole story.

Consciously bring into your mind, the way it was when you met. Talk to your partner about this. What was wonderful about it? How did it feel meeting, falling in love and making plans?

You are still the same people, you can still recreate this if you both make a commitment?

Nothing eats away at love as much as resentment. You may have suppressed certain negative thoughts in order to maintain harmony. Maybe you avoid rows because you’re too tired, or despair of ever finding a solution. However, if there is anger in your heart it will drive out the more positive emotions.
Arrange a time when you will talk about these matters. Each of you must promise to:
  • Listen – not to respond but really listen to what the other has to say
  • Be honest – be direct but do not be intentionally hurtful
  • Not to shout
  • Not to accuse, judge or condemn
  • To be committed to finding a way forward
It may be that you can’t reach total agreement, but that’s not necessarily the most important outcome. What matters is that you both feel heard and understood. Hurt often fades when you receive empathy.
Make notes on your meeting, however formal that sounds. You may need a record of what you decided, even if it wasn’t anything definite. Then you can pick this up when you have your next ‘meeting’ and maybe take it further.
Commit to having a discussion like this once a month, to keep that dialogue going.
Arrange times when you can have a laugh and maybe do some silly things that you used to enjoy. In the past you may have had more time and ‘fun’ may have flowed. But spontaneity can be overrated! Unless you book time to enjoy, the days and weeks can go by and all you do is plain old same old.
Look at 2021 as a fresh start, remember the things you enjoyed together when you first dated. Put dates in the diary and make it a priority. You may be pleasantly surprised at the creative ideas that occur to you both as a result.
At the end of the day it’s easy to collapse on the sofa and do very little all evening. This can mean that you hardly talk to your partner. Many couples also have a television in the bedroom, meaning there is still little attention for each other. Make sure the TV is not on the whole evening to give you change to really speak to each other. Don’t let the TV be the third wheel!
Similar rules apply to your phones/tablets. There must be times when you put them down and switch them off. Shut off all the demands and think only of each other. This is doubly important in the bedroom at the end of the day
Taking your partner for granted erodes a relationship. Instead of doing this, focus on all the qualities – good to amazing – that partner displays. Then make sure you tell them about it. Even saying ‘Thank you’ if that seems right.
Compliments go a long way to repairing love and closeness. They also attract compliments back so it’s a win win.

If you are moving into 2021 with some relationship concerns connect to one of our caring Readers without delay and give your partnership the best chance in 2021.


PUBLISHED: 31 December 2020

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