A fulfilling relationship tops the ‘wants’ list for most of us, especially during romantic February. Film-star charm and a millionaire’s bank balance might seem alluring, but they don’t even figure on the agenda for true love. Here’s what to look for:
You may think that flashing dark eyes, an amazing body – even someone who shares your interests will make you ‘happy’ but it’s much deeper and more subtle than that. Your date may excite and intrigue you, and you may believe you’d be ‘happy’ if they were yours, but that is about the fulfillment of desire, which is not the same as contentment. The person who is right for you will enable you to feel good about yourself, confident and accepted, so listen to your inner feelings.
We all have needs and insecurities – that’s natural, and trusting someone enough to share these is part of falling in love. But too much ‘neediness’ can turn into a weight you’re dragging around, even if it feels like a compliment at first. Look for a lover that’s basically comfortable in their own skin, and reasonably assured, unless you want to turn into the rescuer, which will be heavy after a while.
If something really matters to you, like your spirituality, vegetarianism or having children, then it will be hard to live with someone who is opposed to it. Some things can be worked at, with respect and compromise. Others may be deal-breakers. Be clear about your ‘bottom line’ and stick to it however strong the chemistry, because as time goes by resentment will mount and erode the relationship.
Very soon after meeting it will become obvious whether shared goals are possible. A healthy love isn’t being preoccupied with each other, it’s about building/creating something together – home, business, spiritual awareness, whatever. Look for someone who will hold your hand while looking outwards from the relationship.
No-one wants the kind of blistering honesty that says ‘I’m not feeling loving towards you today’ or ‘You look awful in those jeans!’ However, the tendency to conduct relationships honestly is vital. Once trust is lost it is very hard to regain. It will be relatively easy to get the general idea from your date’s history. Have they two-timed or lied significantly in the past? Remember also ‘if they do it for you, they’ll do it to you’ – don’t fall into the trap of believing this person’s passions for you are so intense they’ve put their morality aside. Be straight, and expect the same in return.
Guidelines are great, of course, but in real life it can be hard to see clearly. Our readers at The Circle are always available, to give you a detached and helpful perspective. So if you aren’t sure, why not make that call?
PUBLISHED: 01 February 2014