Unfortunately, our dream partner doesn’t just turn up on our doorsteps unannounced. But there are many tips and tricks on how to put an end to being single. TheCircle lets you in on the best ones.
Do happy single people exist?
Today there are round fourteen million single Britains. This high number is quite astounding. The term “single” is a badge of pride for some people, as many living alone are increasingly more self-confident and enjoy their freedom. However, many single people long for a stable partner to share their lives with. The search for the right one occupies our thoughts and time in great measures. Internet dating services are booming like never before and there are endless books written on the subject of finding love.
Tips for the first date
What do I wear? Jeans, a casual dress or your favourite LBD? What to wear on a first date is often the thing we think about most, but there are other factors that we should take into account on a first date with a new man.
Increase your self-confidence by treating yourself to something nice — people who are single and happy appear much more attractive.
Honesty is the best policy. Speak openly and truthfully and adhere to what you say and believe.
Choose a neutral place to meet such as a café, informal restaurant or an art gallery or exhibition.
Talk about what interests you like e.g. think about an interesting article in a newspaper or a film you like that you could talk about.
Don’t mention previous relationships.
Don’t have sex on the first date if you’re looking for a long-term relationship.
Patience is a virtue — don’t force anything.
You’ve shown initiative and strengthened your relationships with friends, work colleagues and online, and have opened your eyes up to the world and its possibilities and met a new man. You’ve exchanged text messages, phone calls and also emails, which set your heart aflutter. You have got over the first hurdle and you’re planning your
first date. According to experts, you stand the best chance of a relaxed and enjoyable date if you don’t put yourself under pressure. “Take it slowly” is the magic phrase. Don’t stress and do try to relax, you don’t need to force the situation. Listen to your own inner needs and be fair on yourself and don’t string the new man along unnecessarily. It’s best to be open, honest and spontaneous on a first date. And even though it’s been said time and again — never have sex on the first date!
Getting to know each other
It is and remains the oldest game known to humanity: attracting a partner involves a number of unwritten rules that differ depending on cultural, social, ethnic and sexual backgrounds. It all begins after the first date. The cards are shuffled and anything is possible; from disappointment, bedazzlement or boredom to sexual attraction or the most exciting discovery of your life. Hard to believe, but this pattern is common in society all round the world. Psychologists say there are just three phases of getting to know someone. The stimulus phase, the valuation phase and the role phase.
The 3 phases of getting to know each other
Stimulus phase/first contact: First impressions are made. Most people know within the first few minutes of meeting whether they want to see this person again.
Valuation phase/follow-up date: When we find out about the values and goals of that person.
Role phase/the start of the relationship: Both partners try to please the other by behaving in a way that is agreeable to the other.
Is it all in the stars?
Your star sign can also play a part in the way the three phases of getting to know each other are experienced and shaped. The elementary characteristics are crucial here — they describe the basic character of a person and consequently have an effect on the first date. Those born under the intellectual Air Signs (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) often confuse flirting with something more serious. They enjoy discovering their partner, talking and discussing about the world so much that the other person can find the first date too arduous. Air Signs also tend to mix the real world with a virtual one. The Fire Signs (Aries, Sagittarius, Leo) however are dynamic and not usually great thinkers. They are also quite impatient. The stimulus phase can therefore be quite conflicting or end prematurely before one makes the effort to get to know the other person properly. Word of advice: slow down and don’t rule out a potential partner if a small detail doesn’t fit in your profile. You never know, you could be missing out on getting to know a great person. Water Signs (Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio) are empathetic and love it when others want to get to know them, but that could lead to a mistake after the first date in the valuation phase. You can often be over-tolerant and are too quick to make compromises when your partner has different approach to things. To avoid this, signal to your potential partner when your fundamental approach to life is not on a par with theirs before getting too involved with them. Even the Earth Signs (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) are not exempt from little hiccups in the beginning. Their tendency towards caution and prudence means they very rarely rush into relationships. Earth Signs are also the creatures of habit among the zodiac signs and need to learn to be more spontaneous and less control freaks.
Is he the right one?
How do we know if we have found the right person? Our intuition and common sense often points us in the right direction. Socially integrated people prove that they, while being single, are happy people with many interests and are responsible for their own happiness whilst making others happy at the same time. They are also less likely to concentrate all their energies on their partner. They are balanced when single and make relaxed partners because they are easy-going. Those capable of maintaining a relationship possess a mix of the following characteristics such as empathy, consideration for others and responsibility.
Go for it!
All this may send your head spinning, so to sum it all up: the best chance of putting an end to being single is to be a good friend to yourself, and when getting to know a potential partner, remember not to ignore your own opinions and approach to life, and stay rational.