Is your nice neighbour really as nice as he appears to be? And where would a romantic evening with him lead? How do you know if he’s a no-go after just one date, or recognise that after the first kiss some frogs will never turn into princes? We show you how to spot the good from the bad, avoiding disappointment and saving on tears and heartache later.
The flickering candlelight casts a soft shimmer over the elegantly laid table. The silver cutlery shines, the serviettes lie perfectly folded next to the large white plates. The wine is cooled and romantic music plays in the background. Everything seems perfect. Outside Catherine totters on her heels. Nervously she picks at her black top and throws her hair over her shoulder. Slowly she turns the door handle and enters the small and intimate Italian restaurant. Catherine surveys the tables and spots him — Tom. She smiles and walks over to him. He gets up and gives her a kiss on the cheek.
Believe it or not, we decide within the first few seconds whether we find someone likeable or not. It’s in this moment that the other person could be a potential romantic partner — or not. However, it doesn’t mean that both of you see the date as a ‘marriage market’. Some of us are just looking for a quick adventure. Compliments, fleeting touches, a seductive smile — what is their intention? If a man takes a woman out for dinner and doesn’t even think about where the date might end, it’s a bad sign. A princess likes to be shown off to others, and that begins with the choice of location. Men who give no thought to such important things need not apply to winning your heart. “It was Tom’s idea to go to the Italian restaurant”, thinks Catherine as she smiles at him and sits down on the chair. “And he chose well.”
Tom and Catherine talk, drink wine and laugh with each other. Now and then they exchange intense and electrifying glances. All sounds wonderful. Stop! Even if the date is going swimmingly, care should also be taken — above all because Catherine is not looking for a one-night-stand, but rather for Mr Right. There are, however, many things you can watch out for on the first date to find out what he’s all about, starting with his composure. Is he sitting open and relaxed, but still displaying some distance with his legs crossed over? Then he likes his date a lot but he want to be in control of the situation, which means you will be constantly leaning forwards towards him. If he retains this distance after about an hour, it’s a very good sign that he is not looking for a relationship. If he leans back, however, stretches out his legs and acts casual and cool, then watch out! These types of men expect women to really come onto them or even come and sit next to them, and they tend to be stubborn. If he sits on the edge of his chair and is full of energy, and you’re looking for a fling, then he could be the right man. For someone on the lookout for a relationship, this ball of energy would be too impatient. Generally, you should pay attention to your date’s legs! If he keeps them closed tightly together, then things don’t look too good, but the more relaxed and open they are, the better. Eyes are also a good indication on how things are going. Look him in the eyes — what are his pupils doing? When we find someone attractive or we are sexually aroused, our pupils dilate (grow larger). There have been a lot of studies on this subject, and it has been shown that people will unconsciously find us more attractive or friendlier with dilated pupils (this is why romantic restaurants are dimly lit). So next time you’re with someone you like, think about things that make you happy, as this can also cause our eyes to dilate. And if his pupils dilate when he looks at you, well, you’re onto a winner!
Catherine’s date with Tom is going really well. She feels drawn to Tom, allows herself to be enchanted by him and enjoys it when he takes her hand and gently strokes it. He looks at her with smitten eyes and can’t take them off her. There is sexual tension in the air and it fills the room. Catherine feels desire, the desire for more.
If you have sex on the first date, then the erotic side of things will always be in the foreground, but if you’re looking for a serious relationship, it’s wiser to wait a little while. Men used to have to conquer foreign lands before they could spend a night with their heart’s desire. It’s not always the case, but if you have sex too soon, the compliments, flowers and presents may quickly fall to the wayside. On the other hand, a lot of men decide after the first time whether they’ll be a second time or not. A word of warning — if he is too persistent, then put on the brakes. Catherine didn’t need to put on the breaks. In the game of love, there are always risks. And she wants to get closer to Tom. Right now. Tom orders the bill and they both leave the restaurant arm-in-arm and get into a taxi.
It’s not difficult to understand that if he wants to, he will call you within two, maximal three days. Ideally he will make arrangements to see you again before you part company. And when he starts making plans for the future, congratulations! “What are we doing on Friday?”, Tom asks, as he rubs his sleepy eyes. The sun is already shining through the window and lightens up the room. Catherine just smiles benignly back and cuddles up to him and is already dreaming of their time together and of the exciting trip they’re going to take to New York, which they have planned for the near future.
As nice as it may be, things don’t always run smoothly. If he doesn’t get in contact first, be proactive and call him. That way you can find out what the reason for his withdrawal. If his interest has waned, then you just have to accept it, even if you find it difficult. Women tend to find an explanation for everything, finding a dozen reasons for his lack of contact, and paint a rosier picture than it really is. He hasn’t been in touch because his mobile is broken, or he has swine flu, or he’s had some horrible accident. The truth is, none of this is true. If after a great first date the man is not beating a path to your door, then you’d be best to forget him. And don’t even think about paying him back, it’s just wasted energy. Revenge is frequently impulsive and usually arises after we’ve been hurt. But it doesn’t achieve anything, and just means we waste more time thinking about a man that is wrong for us. Just remember not every frog turns out to be a prince, and sometimes we have to kiss the frog before we find out. But sometimes it’s enough to just throw him back in his pond!