Work can be very demanding, and a whole raft of fears and aspirations can be wrapped up in it. Of course you need to work to survive and the well-being of you, and your partner, may be to some extent dependent on your job. But it is all too easy for this to get out of hand, so that you end up living to work instead of working to live. Modern technology means you can be contacted 24/7, cutting into your free time, and Facebook can result in your employers being able to see into your life. Before you know it, work has taken over, and you have the added stress of pressure from a partner who feels neglected – or who is worried about your health. Does it have to be like this? Of course not. Study these tips and take back control of your life.
START WITH SOME SELF-REFLECTION
Why are you working so hard? You may have told yourself that if you don’t prove yourself you could lose your job, which could mean losing your home as well. Or you may feel under pressure to succeed and to gain status, because that’s always been expected of you. Maybe you want to have lots of money, because you see that as powerful, or maybe you are terrified of poverty. To what extent are you driven by your fears and negative imagination? And to what extent have you been influenced – even subconsciously – by your upbringing and/or the wishes of your parents? Take a look at your priorities and ask yourself if they truly are an expression of you, at this point in time.
TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS
Have you explained your hopes and fears to your partner? Does he or she know what drives you, or what worries you? If some – or even all – the reason you work so hard is because you want to provide a good standard of living for your partner and family, are they aware of this? If your partner understands some of what’s going on inside you, this can ease the pressure greatly. If you are always working, your partner may believe you enjoy that more than the relationship – they may feel differently if they understand the issues. They may even be able to make you see things from another angle and give you advice, or reassurance.
TALK ABOUT YOUR WORK
Your work may make your partner feel excluded. He or she doesn't know what’s going on there, and resentment or jealousy could set in. Maybe you don’t want to be boring, or you feel that your partner won’t understand. But talk about the aspects that can be understood, and don’t underestimate your partner’s abilities. Even if the technical aspects are difficult, a sympathetic partner can throw new light on people issues, and will simply feel much better through being included and respected.
LISTEN TO YOUR PARTNER’S FEELINGS
You may be under so much pressure at work that listening to someone bleating about being neglected or nagging you to relax is more than you can cope with. In fact work can sometimes distort your perspectives so you can’t be bothered with the relationship. But ask yourself what you truly want. If the relationship is important, then you have to give your partner space. Find out what is really bothering them and what they want. Then you can try to find a compromise.
DOWN TIME AND DATES ARE SACRED
When all is said and done, you are left with the fact that you do need quality time together, and you do need to unwind. Think of yourself as an expensive piece of equipment that needs proper maintenance. You’d never try to run your car without oil or expect your lap-top to function if you spill coffee all over it. You also need maintenance and so does your relationship. Set realistic times when you can turn off your phone, and talk. Have a quiet meal together at least a couple of times a week. Buy your partner little gifts, such as a bar of chocolate, newspaper or flowers, just to show you think of them during your busy day. At least once a month, go out on a date. Book a holiday to look forward to. Some of this can be quite hard if you’re in a panic, or preoccupied. But don’t lose the plot. Work would be dry and empty without the person you love in your life, so nurture that connection.
Sometimes with the best will in the world, relationships can be difficult and the demands of work overwhelming. Dating advice and relationship advice are available with a few clicks, when you contact us at The Circle. Find support with your love issues, get your relationship horoscope or benefit from psychic insight. There’s no need to cope with your anxieties alone – put in a call today.
PUBLISHED: 14 APRIL 2015