If you yearn for love then you have something in common with the great majority of people on this planet. So much of the world’s greatest literature is about love, and there are countless manuals and advice books to tell you how to get a mate. It should be easy, but all too often it is agonizingly difficult. So why is that, and what are the major blocks that keep you from taking that dreamy walk into the sunset?
You will see this point coming up again and again. Whatever you want, whatever you are trying to achieve, the opinion you have about yourself is crucial to success. All too often we look for someone who will make us feel good about ourselves. So you may long for a lover who will big you up, see qualities in you that have been hidden, bring you out of the shadows, give you the confidence to succeed. That’s all very well, and of course having the right person by your side can work wonders. But how deep should this go? Love lifts everyone – that’s natural. But if you feel like nothing without your lover, if you are totally dependent on them for your identity, if you despise yourself without them to assure you that you’re amazing, then that’s not healthy. And if your self-esteem isn’t in good nick, all sorts of pitfalls lie in wait for you. You’re giving out a negative vibe and partners are being put off. You’re so needy you fall for the first person who shows any interest. You end up attracting someone who likes the idea they can control you, or feed off you emotionally, or in some other way make you part of a ‘gruesome-twosome’ with all sorts of hidden agendas that aren’t about wholesome relating. So with that in mind, work on thinking well of yourself before you try dating, and get some counseling if necessary. Our supportive readers at The Circle are always there for you to turn to.
So you want to be Romeo and Juliet, El Cid and Chimene, Lancelot and Guinevere? Get real! Those are wonderful stories, but they are there to inspire us not to be some kind of blueprint for the perfect partnership. If you’ll settle for nothing less, you’re asking to be disappointed. With a reasonable amount of luck your relationship will have moments that are like a block-buster romance but everyday relating involves dirty washing, arguments about who does the bins and some inevitable snoring on the sofa. Think comfort, companionship, harmony and you’re on the right track.
It’s nice to think that relationships are ‘meant to be’ and to imagine some all-seeing cosmic match-maker arranging things so that you bump into each other in the street, look into each other’s eyes, and…you know the rest. But that’s just an excuse for laziness. If you wait for love to come knocking on your door, you may wait for a long and lonely time. Go out there and make it happen. These days many, if not most, relationships start on-line. It’s not such a bad way to get acquainted.
We all have an image of the perfect lover and you can make a list as long as your arm of all the qualities that ‘The One’ will have. But don’t close any doors. You could overlook someone who will make you happy because you have decided you only like blue eyes. It’s very important to keep an open mind, for love – and happiness – can come in surprising packages.
You may truly believe that the most important thing in your life is finding love. So what are you doing working 24/7, climbing the corporate ladder, being seen in all the ‘right’ places in your spare time and even choosing hobbies that chime with your ambitions? Maybe you’re obsessed with your creativity, chasing a best-seller, or merely holding down several jobs in order to get ahead financially. Even if you’re doing nothing so extreme, stop and ask yourself what opportunities there are for a lovely partner to come into your life. If the realistic answer is precious few, then you have to alter your schedule to make room.
Stand back and take a look – which of the above apply to you and what could you do to change things? Love is there for you if you only go about it the right way. If you need more insight, then don’t wait and wonder – call our perceptive readers at The Circle and see things clearly.
PUBLISHED: 24 November 2014