Have you ever wondered why your love life follows a pattern that repeats again and again? Or have you asked the question “What is it about me that attracts this kind of person again and again?” Recurring patterns in our lives, like recurring dreams, are messages from the Higher Self that a particular issue may need some attention from our conscious self. When the relationships are not working, or the type of partner we are drawn to causes pain, then this issue really needs to be worked on, so the pattern can be broken.
Early experiences can influence relationships
Very often the relationships we have in the early stages of our lives have some influence on the romantic relationships we go on to experience as adults. For those who had a stable upbringing with positive emotional influences around them this can create a positive pattern, helping them to form loving, balanced and healthy relationships.
But if that is not the case, then the pattern can work against us. An example of this could be a woman with a father figure who loved her, and made her feel safe, but was dominating and controlling, she may be drawn to men that are the same or sometimes rebel against this and go for the opposite type, as an unconscious reaction to her early experiences. Similarly, a man may unconsciously treat his wife or girlfriend in the same way his father treated his mother.
Sometimes it is something in our own personality or emotional make up that influences the partners we choose. An unconscious fear of commitment can lead us to be drawn to partners who are committed elsewhere, so we know on a deep level that we will not have to commit to them. We may also have a personal need to be needed or have someone to nurture which can lead to attracting partners who are vulnerable and needy, which can bring on difficulties if we eventually find their needs too much, or require some support with our own issues.
How can we break negative patterns?
- The first step to breaking a pattern that is having a negative effect on our life is to actually recognise the pattern. Awareness that a situation or troublesome type of partner is recurring brings the realisation to our conscious mind that something needs to change.
- Once the pattern has been identified it is also helpful to try and work out where the pattern started. Could it have been an early influence or experience? Did it begin with a particular person?
- The next stage is to look at the person or situation that was the origin of the pattern and see what remains unsolved or unhealed around this.
PUBLISHED: 28 SEPTEMBER 2015