If you have ever lost someone you love, the chances are that you will have felt their presence close to you in the days following their death. As time has gone by you may have experienced panic, as that ‘presence’ seems to be turning into a memory. Moving on is natural and it’s what your loved-one would want, but there is no reason to lose that contact.
Set aside a few moments each day to focus on a special memory. Recall the sights, sounds, scents, touch – everything that made up the experience of spending time with your loved one. You could even record a relaxation routine, followed by a description of the event, to play back to yourself when you are able to be peaceful. Record several events if you can, to keep a stimulating variety. These memories may expand, so you remember more and more, making your trips back in time a true encounter with your dear one.
Everyone has a special scent. In addition, there will have been places you visited, things you did together that are associated with a particular aroma. Smell brings back memories more vividly than any other sense, so focus on any scent – this could be cigar smoke, sea air, summer roses or just a favourite perfume or aftershave – and let it take you back to those precious times.
Set up your own little rituals to help you move into a state of consciousness where your loved one feels close. For instance, light a candle and burn some incense next to their photograph, wear a garment or jewellery that has special meaning or recite a poem or listen to music that you both loved. Use this as a lead-in to thinking about this person, so you get into the habit of conjuring their presence.
Even though this can be very sad, it is also happy to be reminded of good times and shared experiences. Recall what your loved one said, how they reacted to the sights and sounds – in particular visit locations that this person really adored. You may well feel their touch as you gaze out at a favourite view.
This person meant a great deal to you – they still do. So what valuable words of advice did they have for you? Of course you should not follow slavishly everything someone has said just because they have passed over, but if you know something was useful, put it into practice and let it live on.
Talk to your dear one either in your head or out loud. If you do this naturally and easily you will find that the replies come through, and you may even hear that beloved voice clearly.
Each night, before you go to sleep, let your mind linger on a favourite memory, and make a note of it, in a journal. Next morning, when you wake up, record your dreams. You may find that your night and morning writings tend to have interesting links, and those wonderful recollections can envelop you when your head touches the pillow.
Our readers at The Circle can put you in touch with your loved one, so if you need help, it’s waiting at the end of the phone.