If you are coping with deep hurt the last thing you want is happy-clappy advice about cheering up. Naturally you will feel angry at times, and at others despairing and overwhelmed. However, there is life after loss, and one day you will recognize this. Meanwhile, keep the tips below in the back of your mind until one or more strike a chord.
This may seem crazy when your life is filled with darkness, but it is true. Don’t try to force the issue by looking for this ‘door’. Visualize it in your mind’s eye as a chink of light appearing, and widening. In time an opening will truly appear, and while you may not recognize it as such immediately, gradually you will become aware that you are standing in the light. Readers at The Circle can help you greatly with this.
See your experience of life as this ‘journey.’ As with all treks there are smooth and easy passages and others that are so arduous you think you’ll never make it. At the moment you are going through the toughest terrain, but your struggles are not in vain, for every day takes you closer to the destination – the destination of peace and serenity.
Fine, but how do you stop this enormous experience from ‘mattering’? By focusing on the feeling rather than the event. What has happened isn’t going to change but how you feel will change, and that’s all that counts. So when the awareness of loss becomes unbearable, treat yourself gently, as you would if you were ill. Healing may not be able to come through bringing back what is gone, but will come through eventually feeling better, and the void will be filled.
Try to focus on good things that can come out of the heartbreak. For instance a tragic death can inspire fund-raising efforts that benefit many people. This can be hard at first but in time can grow to provide considerable solace, and enable your life to open up in ways you haven’t imagined.
All the great wisdom teachings of the world bring the message that life is about learning. That isn’t always easy, but there is also the promise of a reward at the end. Heaven, Nirhvana or progress through successive incarnations, you are getting there, and your current struggles are the fast-track to your PhD. Remember what the Gryphon said in Alice in Wonderland: ‘…the reason they’re called lessons [is] because they lessen from day to day.’ !
To gain insight and guidance during this difficult time, call one of our experienced readers now
PUBLISHED: 08 January 2014